(05-09-2023, 03:17 PM)KatieScarlet Wrote: Ended a two year affair with Co- worker.
Facing emotions I’ve never encountered before. Seeing him every day is destroying me. I feel like I’m going crazy. ….. anyone relate?
I had a very similar story . Ended an affair with a work colleague and had to see him every day. It was a special kind of torture.
I say it was my choice to end it but it was because I felt like I had no choice as opposed to ending it for not loving him anymore
I can share what I did and what worked for me and hopefully you can find something useful in there that may guide you through some parts
I took a weeks vacation leave in the immediate aftermath . Just to actually give me time to regroup in the immediate aftermath
I imposed strict NC. People will say its impossible because of work . But it isn't. You can speak simply only about work where absolutely necessary. Only in meetings where absolutely essential and then via email for any other contact
I changed up my work routine. So I knew when he would start work and what entrance he would take . I would start work before or after him and take a different entrance
Same for lunch. I started going for lunch at a different time and place. Not only to avoid him but because we went for coffee and lunch so many times together that I didn't want to be reminded of that during work. So I either ate at my desk or when time allowed I would leave the building and get something somewhere complete random
I did not to work nights or events for about 6 months
Every single thing I used to do with him during work hours I would find an alternative thing to do
I was very self controlled and I did not find anything out about him through work colleagues by sneaky asking questions. Of course i heard stuff because people just talk but it was never instigated by me and you would be surprised how little people actually mention other work people when you don't ask. It's quite easy to keep the conversation away from a particular person when you really want to
My work didn't have a gym at the time so at some point throughout the day, during my lunch or whenever I could i would go for a walk l. If i.cojld manage half an hour i would. But what was most important are the trigger moments . The moments you are in work and it feel so over whelming and crushing. Take a step out. Go for a quick breather. Step out into the fresh air and take a few deep breath and listen to a music track.
Look it was hell I won't lie. I'll never again get involved with a work colleague , affair or not because the break up working together is woeful
I did it , it was hard but I did it and now I have complete moved on from it all and the pain I can remember it because it was so intense at the time but I remember it now in a proud way.
I did it , I didn't cause any problems at work and kept my head up and did my job . Noone saw me fall . And for that I am proud of myself
You can do this , you just have to find enough self belief in there that this is the right thing to do and you will find a way
Now if he ended it and you still want it that is harder but the same.rules.applu . Go in , do your job, see as little as possible interaction with him. Change your routines .don't try to find out updates from work colleagues on his life.
You can do this , I've been through it and out the other side..just believe you can get through this phase if you put the right tools in place