Hello

[cenedra]

So glad you had a good time and it lived up to your expectations x

In terms of what to do next, I would just let it all unfold naturally. Things will happen and then you can go from there

One thing, I always get nervous when I see people meeting in public places . It strikes me as this is the first time you have been with someone outside your marriage. So enjoy and cherish all the moments but do so wisely

Perhaps it was perfectly safe to meet in the bar and no chance of anyone recognising you but I am always just wary of that bumping into someone randomly etc . Just be cautious on that front..

[Becky123]

It’s understandable your emotions are all over the place. This is one of those situations that can be life changing and it can be hard to sort through all the possibilities. I know when my EMR first started I was kind of back and forth about everything and it took several weeks for me to sort through my emotions and determine how I wanted to move forward. 

What do you want to happen next?
Has he been in contact since and do you know what he’s feeling/wanting?

Im seeing him again tomorrow night. I don’t know if its smart to meet up again so soon but I really couldn’t wait. Hopefully this time we should have a lot more time together. I told my husband that one of the girls from work is having a night out to celebrate her birthday. We was encouraging which made me feel really guilty.
 
There hasn’t really been a lot of conversation with James about where things are heading. I’m not sure if hes looking for just a bit of fun or something more serious. I don’t want bring up the topic too soon in case it ruins things. In some ways Im not sure I want to know.

[Becky123]

So glad you had a good time and it lived up to your expectations x

Thanks. I would have been so upset if it hadn’t.

[MustangSally]

Im seeing him again tomorrow night. I don’t know if its smart to meet up again so soon but I really couldn’t wait. Hopefully this time we should have a lot more time together. I told my husband that one of the girls from work is having a night out to celebrate her birthday. We was encouraging which made me feel really guilty.
 
There hasn’t really been a lot of conversation with James about where things are heading. I’m not sure if hes looking for just a bit of fun or something more serious. I don’t want bring up the topic too soon in case it ruins things. In some ways Im not sure I want to know.

Enjoy your evening!! 

At some point you’ll want to know what his expectations are, but it’s ok to take some time and let things happen for a bit and give yourself some time to sort through how you’re feeling too! 

I’m happy for you 

[Becky123]

Enjoy your evening!! 

At some point you’ll want to know what his expectations are, but it’s ok to take some time and let things happen for a bit and give yourself some time to sort through how you’re feeling too! 

I’m happy for you 

Thank you. Im really looking forward to it. No nerves this time just excitement.

Thank you again for all the understanding.

[Daisy Rose]

I don’t want bring up the topic too soon in case it ruins things. In some ways Im not sure I want to know.

I, personally, think it's wise to bring it up as soon as possible. The sooner the better really. It's best that both of you know what each other's expectations are in regards to your EMR so there are no misunderstandings from the get go. Communication is extremely important in any relationship, even EMRs. Not having open, honest communication is what will ruin things.

[Becky123]

I, personally, think it's wise to bring it up as soon as possible. The sooner the better really. It's best that both of you know what each other's expectations are in regards to your EMR so there are no misunderstandings from the get go. Communication is extremely important in any relationship, even EMRs. Not having open, honest communication is what will ruin things.

I understand what you’re saying but we’ve only seen each other once. If I immediately start asking him where he sees this going that puts a lot of pressure on both of us early on. What if it just freaks him out? Im not even sure what I want right now. How can I expect him to be?

[cenedra]

I understand what you’re saying but we’ve only seen each other once. If I immediately start asking him where he sees this going that puts a lot of pressure on both of us early on. What if it just freaks him out? Im not even sure what I want right now. How can I expect him to be?

Is he single?

I do agree that its very hard to know straight away whether something is a thing or not . Sometimes I think with EMRs because usually it doesn't happen over night, there can be a build up over months before the actual physical stuff happens by the time it actually does happen feelings can already be quite intense . Well it was in my case anyway . So its not that uncommon for feelings to be very strong before sex actually occurs , so having the what do we do now conversation can happen quite fast


But yes where do we go from here is a hard question in any terms but when someone is married it can be more poignant because there are limitations on where it can go in the conventional sense

[Becky123]

Is he single?

I do agree that its very hard to know straight away whether something is a thing or not . Sometimes I think with EMRs because usually it doesn't happen over night,  there can be a build up over months before the actual physical stuff happens by the time it actually does happen feelings can already be quite intense . Well it was in my case anyway . So its not that uncommon for feelings to be very strong before sex actually occurs , so having the what do we do now conversation can happen quite fast


But yes where do we go from here is a hard question in any terms but when someone is married it can be more poignant because there are limitations on where it can go in the conventional sense

He is single and also younger.
 
Before now whenever we interacted it as more playful flirting. A fantasy I had. I never really thought anything would actually happen. It didn’t really get serious until he asked me out. Most of the conversation since then was about if I would meet him. We haven’t really discussed relationships.

This is my first encounter with someone else since getting married. You raised a good point about not meeting in public places. I wasn’t really thinking about that. Tonight shouldnt be a problem since Im only going to his place and not planning to go anywhere else. What sort of places do you meet you partner?

[cenedra]

He is single and also younger.
 
Before now whenever we interacted it as more playful flirting. A fantasy I had. I never really thought anything would actually happen. It didn’t really get serious until he asked me out. Most of the conversation since then was about if I would meet him. We haven’t really discussed relationships.

This is my first encounter with someone else since getting married. You raised a good point about not meeting in public places. I wasn’t really thinking about that. Tonight shouldnt be a problem since Im only going to his place and not planning to go anywhere else. What sort of places do you meet you partner?

I was single so we met always at my apartment as I lived alone . His partner lived away 3 to 4 nights a week for a long tlme as she had to relocate for her PHD . However we never met at his as for me it just felt icky to be there . I know it sounds stupid considering but I always feel my home is my private place and I didn't want it to be if she ever found out that she would feel I was in her house and touching her things on top of everything else

We were friends so there were occasions where we could be out together for lunch or drinks but all above board as he would tell her he was meeting me so if we were seen it wasn't anything suspect that if it ever got repeated back she would be suspicious

I'm not trying to crush your excitement or ruin your experience its just discovery is so brutal that I would always advice the utmost precaution on making sure that never happens. Msefing at his place is perfect because random eyes can't spot you!

[Becky123]

I was single so we met always at my apartment as I lived alone . His partner lived away 3 to 4 nights a week for a long tlme as she had to relocate for her PHD . However we never met at his as for me it just felt icky to be there . I know it sounds stupid considering but I always feel my home is my private place and I didn't want it to be if she ever found out that she would feel I was in her house and touching her things on top of everything else

We were friends so there were occasions where we could be out together for lunch or drinks but all above board as he would tell her he was meeting me so if we were seen it wasn't anything suspect that if it ever got repeated back she would be suspicious

I'm not trying to crush your excitement or ruin your experience its just discovery is so brutal that I would always advice the utmost precaution on making sure that never happens. Msefing at his place is perfect because random eyes can't spot you!

No. That’s good advice and I appreciate it. I don’t think there anything you could say that would ruin the experience right now. I’m perfectly happy to keep things confined to the bedroom for the time being.

In the long run through doesnt that limit the involvement to sex only? It sounds like its going to be difficult if things do end up getting emotional.

I’m complete new to all this so any advice is definitely welcome. Is there a page somewhere with advice on how avoid getting found out?

[cenedra]

No. That’s good advice and I appreciate it. I don’t think there anything you could say that would ruin the experience right now. I’m perfectly happy to keep things confined to the bedroom for the time being.

In the long run through doesnt that limit the involvement to sex only? It sounds like its going to be difficult if things do end up getting emotional.

I’m complete new to all this so any advice is definitely welcome. Is there a page somewhere with advice on how avoid getting found out?

To me it didn't limit it to sex only. But it did limit it of course in terms of what I would be used to.

So we would have dinner, watch a movie all those things. We would spend the entire day together and sometimes nights

However of course we couldn't go out for dinner or away on vacation or to movies or meet up with friends etc. He did all that with his partner . It did in the end , make me miserable because I was the single one so I never got to do those things

Anyway there are some people here who seem to actually be able to do all these things with their partner even though they are married . I suppose it depends on your marriage . Like how much time away you can have without arising suspicion or how small / big the area you live in is and how likely the chances are of being seen by someone else in public

I guess i am just saying work within the confines of what you can do and don't take risks. You know your area and your husband best so you will know what could lead to being discovered or not and don't play outside that.

[Becky123]

To me it didn't limit it to sex only.  But it did limit it of course in terms of what I would be used to. 

So we would have dinner,  watch a movie all those things.  We would spend the entire day together and sometimes nights

However of course we couldn't go out for dinner or away on vacation or to movies or meet up with friends etc.  He did all that with his partner . It did in the end , make me miserable because I was the single one so I never got to do those things

Anyway there are some people here who seem to actually be able to do all these things with their partner even though they are married . I suppose it depends on your marriage . Like how much time away you can have without arising suspicion or how small / big the area you live in is and how likely the chances are of being seen by someone else in public

I guess i am just saying work within the confines of what you can do and don't take risks. You know your area and your husband best so you will know what could lead to being discovered or not and don't play outside that.

Sounds like things got tough at times but I think you’re right. Im not sure how I feel or what James wants so until that changes Im happy to keep things in the bedroom for now.

[Ocean1214]

I think understanding your motivation for wanting to do this now will help you make decisions down the road. For me, I was in an 18 year R that I wasn’t fully satisfied in and I was always the good girl my whole life and did what everyone expected of me. I had often questioned how my life would have ended up if I made different decisions at some crucial turning points. My decision to get involved with Leo was my way of challenging all I had been and just taking a chance on what I wanted. It was the catalyst for me ending my 18 yr R and stepping out on my own. I did this knowing it wasn’t to be with Leo, but for myself, and knowing that even if things with Leo were short-lived I was done with my ex. 

My EMR has been wonderful and amazing and painful and soul crushing, but it has taught me so much about myself and I was able to do things on my own I NEVER would have done in my previous R. 

If you choose to go down this path know that you are getting on a rollercoaster and it might not always be exhilarating. We’ll be here for the ride.
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Wow, Mustang Sally I just have to share how crazy similar our stories are. From the good girl down to the exact number of years with H! I could have written that exact comment!

Sally123, I would be curious for an update on how things are going now with your OM?