02-23-2024, 02:15 AM
Hi new community. First off I am so grateful to have found you as this entire experience has been one of the most isolating things I have ever gone through.
I met my MM at my job a little over a year ago and as he was a regular at my bar. When we first met I had no idea that he was married. Eventually he began to talk about his wife, I began to console him, and we built a friendship. One night we were out with a group of friends and lost everybody. He then shared that he wanted to share that he had developed a bit of a crush on me and that he had told his wife about it. He said his marriage was flexible and that she just didn't want to hear about it.
They were moving a month later and I went with him to move his stuff. It wasn't until midway through the trip that I came to the realization that she didn't know I was there with him. I told him I was uncomfortable with that and that I wouldn't be able to continue the relationship.
Being so fresh I thought nbd. But he continued to beg to visit just to say goodbye. I caved on him coming and we completely fell in love. This led to about 6 months of falling further in love, my therapist calling him a misogynist so I stopped going to her, hiding it from my family, most of my friends and not really having am outlet to talk about it.
I put a firmer boundary on him reaching out and told him to please stop contacting me unless something were to change and we could explore being together. I tended to hear from him about every 2 weeks with updates on how he was in love with me, wanted to be with me, and that there was movement towards separation. Then his wife found some of my letters to him. Wanted to know everything and the extent of us etc. She then wanted him to reach out and share that she doesn't want me to hold any anxiety and is so grateful that I have been able to pull him out of his negative mental health that he had been experiencing. I still kept the boundary telling him I was hopeful they could get therapy or whatever was needed to figure out the next steps and what that meant for them. As they share a child together.
He is still sharing that he is so in love with me. Etc etc. Wrote me a song. Then fast forward 2 weeks, my birthday was coming around. He said that his birthday gift for me got thwarted and asked if he could get my opinion on what to do. Long story short he shares that he was signing a year lease here and he would be here tomorrow.
I was obviously excited as all I want is to be with him but also confused as to where they were in their relationship etc.
After he got here and we reunited, he shared with me the next morning that she is supportive of him doing anything he needs to to find himself and reorient in this time away even if that means that they won't be together at the end of this. He said that they played out everything from divorce, separation, to staying together and that he doesn't know what to expect at the end of this but that everything is leading towards me.
I never thought I would have been reunited with my love and in this way. But as I restated the expectations I have for our connection (the same they have always been) he told me that he can't be there for me in that way. So, teary eyed, I left.
The next day he proposed staying in my life and that he wants me to find my person and wants to help me be my best self. That I want to build and he's rebuilding. I was so offended and hurt at his proposal and asked him about all the other things he's told me. I've come to the conclusion that he is so lost right now and in a full midlife crisis. He said he regretted not taking space to settle in and process things before reuniting with me so I asked him if us doing that now would be illiciting pressure or helpful. He said helpful. So I'm expecting him to reach out. Eventually.
I hate to see him suffering but I know he needs to figure this out on his own. I guess all I have to say is I just miss him.
And I just miss us.
And I have to hide that from everybody I know.
Thank you for listening. And creating a safe space for me to have an outlet among others that would understand
I met my MM at my job a little over a year ago and as he was a regular at my bar. When we first met I had no idea that he was married. Eventually he began to talk about his wife, I began to console him, and we built a friendship. One night we were out with a group of friends and lost everybody. He then shared that he wanted to share that he had developed a bit of a crush on me and that he had told his wife about it. He said his marriage was flexible and that she just didn't want to hear about it.
They were moving a month later and I went with him to move his stuff. It wasn't until midway through the trip that I came to the realization that she didn't know I was there with him. I told him I was uncomfortable with that and that I wouldn't be able to continue the relationship.
Being so fresh I thought nbd. But he continued to beg to visit just to say goodbye. I caved on him coming and we completely fell in love. This led to about 6 months of falling further in love, my therapist calling him a misogynist so I stopped going to her, hiding it from my family, most of my friends and not really having am outlet to talk about it.
I put a firmer boundary on him reaching out and told him to please stop contacting me unless something were to change and we could explore being together. I tended to hear from him about every 2 weeks with updates on how he was in love with me, wanted to be with me, and that there was movement towards separation. Then his wife found some of my letters to him. Wanted to know everything and the extent of us etc. She then wanted him to reach out and share that she doesn't want me to hold any anxiety and is so grateful that I have been able to pull him out of his negative mental health that he had been experiencing. I still kept the boundary telling him I was hopeful they could get therapy or whatever was needed to figure out the next steps and what that meant for them. As they share a child together.
He is still sharing that he is so in love with me. Etc etc. Wrote me a song. Then fast forward 2 weeks, my birthday was coming around. He said that his birthday gift for me got thwarted and asked if he could get my opinion on what to do. Long story short he shares that he was signing a year lease here and he would be here tomorrow.
I was obviously excited as all I want is to be with him but also confused as to where they were in their relationship etc.
After he got here and we reunited, he shared with me the next morning that she is supportive of him doing anything he needs to to find himself and reorient in this time away even if that means that they won't be together at the end of this. He said that they played out everything from divorce, separation, to staying together and that he doesn't know what to expect at the end of this but that everything is leading towards me.
I never thought I would have been reunited with my love and in this way. But as I restated the expectations I have for our connection (the same they have always been) he told me that he can't be there for me in that way. So, teary eyed, I left.
The next day he proposed staying in my life and that he wants me to find my person and wants to help me be my best self. That I want to build and he's rebuilding. I was so offended and hurt at his proposal and asked him about all the other things he's told me. I've come to the conclusion that he is so lost right now and in a full midlife crisis. He said he regretted not taking space to settle in and process things before reuniting with me so I asked him if us doing that now would be illiciting pressure or helpful. He said helpful. So I'm expecting him to reach out. Eventually.
I hate to see him suffering but I know he needs to figure this out on his own. I guess all I have to say is I just miss him.
And I just miss us.
And I have to hide that from everybody I know.
Thank you for listening. And creating a safe space for me to have an outlet among others that would understand
