04-06-2024, 08:45 PM
Hopefully this will be brief. Hello Everyone.
I am a 40 something professional, married, grown kids. In the process of educating to change professions. Married almost 30 years to a man who has changed into someone depressed and who has lied to me about our retirement finances and has essentially withdrawn from the relationship while I have been working multiple jobs to support everything. Up until 3-4 yrs ago, he was amazing, our relationship was pretty good with the exception of him checking out of intimacy for about almost 10 years. We are both attractive and active, and I thought I would be married to him forever. Unfortunately, I couldn't stand the neglect and the lack of communication any longer and asked for a separation last year. We are separated and living in different cities.
During that time I wrote an article about why X profession needed to hire people from Y profession and the benefits that my present profession could provide to the new one. It was published in a professional forum and a professional from the new profession reached out to me to talk about the article. The man who contacted me reached out very innocently and was i no way looking for a relationship. We corresponded for quite a while professionally and eventually ended up discussing our families, life situations, etc. We realized we were in very similar situations and looked to each other for support. Interest grew, we eventually met up and knew that we really liked each other. Things have carried on from there and we have been seeing each other for approx 7 months. While my situation is pretty straight-forward, his is not due to the length of his marriage and the financial and familial obligations. He would like to leave but has, for a variety of reasons, not made that full commitment yet. I go through a lot of guilt for his spouse regardless of their trials and tribulations, and I go through a lot of conflict about whether or not I should wait. I have given myself a due date and will not hesitate to walk away if we get to that date and things have not changed. I have never done anything like this. I have been married my whole adult life and I feel like I am in the twilight zone morally and that is incredibly unlike me. Neither of us were searching for someone outside of our respective marriages and we both find it highly distressing but seem to be unable to walk away. We want a future together, but we realize the magnitude of the damage we might inflict on others. It is a terrible place to be mentally.
I am posting here to find some sort of clarity so I can break out of this relational paralysis. I hope to read where others like me have been able to make changes for the better. I hope this is an ok introduction. I hope everyone finds peace where they can.
I am a 40 something professional, married, grown kids. In the process of educating to change professions. Married almost 30 years to a man who has changed into someone depressed and who has lied to me about our retirement finances and has essentially withdrawn from the relationship while I have been working multiple jobs to support everything. Up until 3-4 yrs ago, he was amazing, our relationship was pretty good with the exception of him checking out of intimacy for about almost 10 years. We are both attractive and active, and I thought I would be married to him forever. Unfortunately, I couldn't stand the neglect and the lack of communication any longer and asked for a separation last year. We are separated and living in different cities.
During that time I wrote an article about why X profession needed to hire people from Y profession and the benefits that my present profession could provide to the new one. It was published in a professional forum and a professional from the new profession reached out to me to talk about the article. The man who contacted me reached out very innocently and was i no way looking for a relationship. We corresponded for quite a while professionally and eventually ended up discussing our families, life situations, etc. We realized we were in very similar situations and looked to each other for support. Interest grew, we eventually met up and knew that we really liked each other. Things have carried on from there and we have been seeing each other for approx 7 months. While my situation is pretty straight-forward, his is not due to the length of his marriage and the financial and familial obligations. He would like to leave but has, for a variety of reasons, not made that full commitment yet. I go through a lot of guilt for his spouse regardless of their trials and tribulations, and I go through a lot of conflict about whether or not I should wait. I have given myself a due date and will not hesitate to walk away if we get to that date and things have not changed. I have never done anything like this. I have been married my whole adult life and I feel like I am in the twilight zone morally and that is incredibly unlike me. Neither of us were searching for someone outside of our respective marriages and we both find it highly distressing but seem to be unable to walk away. We want a future together, but we realize the magnitude of the damage we might inflict on others. It is a terrible place to be mentally.
I am posting here to find some sort of clarity so I can break out of this relational paralysis. I hope to read where others like me have been able to make changes for the better. I hope this is an ok introduction. I hope everyone finds peace where they can.
