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[Harlow]

Hello, I'm leaving my story here because I need someone to understand and advise me.I met him when I was 19 at work. We had instant chemistry and became fast friends. We would both close the store where we worked with some colleagues and go out every day. At the time, he had been living with a woman for 8 years.I fell in love with him easily, he was cheerful and we had so much conversation that the world disappeared. He would take me home and we would spend hours at my door talking. After two years as friends, he ended up declaring his love for me, kissed me, left his girlfriend and we got together. I was a virgin and I lost my virginity to him, we had an overwhelming romance.But he was older and drank a lot, things ended up not going well and we separated not for lack of love but for incompetence. I married another man and was with that man for 12 years. I had two sons and he also had a daughter in a relationship over the course of those 12 years. However, I got divorced. And he has been in a relationship for 7 years where his wife has two daughters that he helped raise in some way. We are in contact during my divorce process after 12 years. We had seen each other before but very few times. We talked about our lives and the past and he said he regretted not having stayed with me. He thought of me over the years and I never forgot him either, we ended up getting involved in a very intimate relationship. He helped me get through the divorce And I supported him with his inner demons. He never made me false promises, we were living and seeing what would happen. However, he went on vacation with his partner and her daughters, and when he returned, the bombshell hit. He needed to try to save the relationship because it was the only family his daughter knew. He told me this via message and told me to decide whether I wanted to talk to him face to face or not and then he never replied to me again.It's been a month like this, I can't get over it, I can't accept that it ended this way, I keep trying to communicate with him, I even asked him to block me, but he doesn't respond. But he doesn't block me either. The few people I've spoken to don't understand me. Because despite this horrible attitude, I can't get angry with him and I still hope he talks to me. I don't think he used me, we had some very important moments together and I don't think anyone could fake it that well. I think he's just trying to survive but the fact that he's leaving me like this is killing me. Someone Do you understand me here?

Yes, I understand you. We are here to help.

[assms]

Yes, I understand you. We are here to help.

Thank you. Every day becomes more difficult.

[Ocean1214]

Hello, I'm leaving my story here because I need someone to understand and advise me.I met him when I was 19 at work. We had instant chemistry and became fast friends. We would both close the store where we worked with some colleagues and go out every day. At the time, he had been living with a woman for 8 years.I fell in love with him easily, he was cheerful and we had so much conversation that the world disappeared. He would take me home and we would spend hours at my door talking. After two years as friends, he ended up declaring his love for me, kissed me, left his girlfriend and we got together. I was a virgin and I lost my virginity to him, we had an overwhelming romance.But he was older and drank a lot, things ended up not going well and we separated not for lack of love but for incompetence. I married another man and was with that man for 12 years. I had two sons and he also had a daughter in a relationship over the course of those 12 years. However, I got divorced. And he has been in a relationship for 7 years where his wife has two daughters that he helped raise in some way. We are in contact during my divorce process after 12 years. We had seen each other before but very few times. We talked about our lives and the past and he said he regretted not having stayed with me. He thought of me over the years and I never forgot him either, we ended up getting involved in a very intimate relationship. He helped me get through the divorce And I supported him with his inner demons. He never made me false promises, we were living and seeing what would happen. However, he went on vacation with his partner and her daughters, and when he returned, the bombshell hit. He needed to try to save the relationship because it was the only family his daughter knew. He told me this via message and told me to decide whether I wanted to talk to him face to face or not and then he never replied to me again.It's been a month like this, I can't get over it, I can't accept that it ended this way, I keep trying to communicate with him, I even asked him to block me, but he doesn't respond. But he doesn't block me either. The few people I've spoken to don't understand me. Because despite this horrible attitude, I can't get angry with him and I still hope he talks to me. I don't think he used me, we had some very important moments together and I don't think anyone could fake it that well. I think he's just trying to survive but the fact that he's leaving me like this is killing me. Someone Do you understand me here?

I had a very terrible and sad ending with my MM as well. Just cut from his life after a horrible dday and then zero responses to my outreach. I finally gave up after a few weeks. No response from him WAS my response. I am mending a broken heart too. Mine happened early July and the first few weeks were just dreadful. I understand the feeling of "how could someone just cut me out of his life after all we shared and said? Did I actually mean nothing to him?" It destroys your self worth. But please remember, you are worth so much love, and worth so much more than he was and is giving you. I'm here for you. I know how gut wrenching this is.

[assms]

I had a very terrible and sad ending with my MM as well. Just cut from his life after a horrible dday and then zero responses to my outreach. I finally gave up after a few weeks. No response from him WAS my response. I am mending a broken heart too. Mine happened early July and the first few weeks were just dreadful. I understand the feeling of "how could someone just cut me out of his life after all we shared and said? Did I actually mean nothing to him?" It destroys your self worth. But please remember, you are worth so much love, and worth so much more than he was and is giving you. I'm here for you. I know how gut wrenching this is.

Thank you for your words. We are in the same situation. In my case, there was no Dday, it was simply his decision. How do you overcome this? It's like you said, with so much said and so much 
I can't help but feel this way. Maybe it's a process like grieving. Did he block you or just stop responding?

[VALERIEB]

So I am not sure I’m doing this right. I’ve never posted on a board like this before. Hopefully this will allow me access. 

My name is Valerie, I turned 50 in May of this year. For the last 10 years I have been the OW. Things have disintegrated and I’m in this very weird place. So I am hoping here I will find some advice on how to move forward, how to navigate. 

Some background - met him on Ashley Madison. I am single and have always been, no kids. I have always been overweight and had low self esteem so the only real relationship I had was for a few years in my late 20s with an abusive man (physically and verbally). I went on AM looking for a MM in hopes that it would be easier when things ended because I could just blame it on the fact he was married and not have to think it had anything to do with me. What a fool I was..

I have seen him a few times a month the first 8 years. Then something changed at the end of 2022 and it’s been weird since then. He started wearing his wedding ring, he said he was in a bad place mentally and so he would not see me at all for about 8 months. Yet I found him back on AM looking. During this time my living and financial situation changed due to the pandemic and I found myself living with my mother which I where I still am today. His wife is VP of a global company and is the breadwinner. He was a local cop who worked part time till 2019 and then he was not working at all for a bit and then he took a job as security at a small shop a couple days a week.

July 2023 we started meeting up a few times a month in a convenience store parking lot. I’d hop in his truck and we would spend between 20-60 mins talking and kissing. Then it progressed to more (not sex though) until one night a cop knocked on the window. We were fully clothed at that point and the cop was just making sure I was ok - he seemed to think maybe I was not there of my own free will - and then he left. My MM was shaken by this and then he didn’t see me again for several weeks. The next time I saw him he came to my house bc my mother was spending a weekend away. We had sex for the first time in a year and a half. It was wonderful. And then I didn’t see him again. Until two days ago. And things took a bad turn.

So anyway I have written more than I probably was supposed to for an intro but I guess I’m just so relieved I’m in the presence of others who will understand all this.

[Harlow]

Hi and

Keep starting threads and tell us more about you. We will help as much as we can.

I’d be freaked out too if a cop came up to the car window. It also sounds like MM had a Dday but never really shared much about it. Did he do something to lose his job at the department?

[MarieWilkins]

Hi everyone, 

After just over 2 years and 8 months, I finally broke it off with the married man. When I met him, whilst travelling in central america, he was (supposedly) separated from his wife and it was a whirlwind romance. I stupidly let me guard down, thinking I met the one, and here I am - 3 years later crying my eyes out on our anniversary of meeting, in no contact and unsure if I will ever find love and connection like that again. All I know is that I told him I’d never speak to him again, which now acts as a promise to myself stopping me from reaching out to him and I am trying to move forward. 

How long does this heartbreak last?

None of my friends really know the full extent of the situation, most dont even know he was part of my life.

[Mrs T]

HI,

welcome to the group.

You will find lots of similar stories here. 

Healing takes however long it takes.  I was in an EMR for 16 years and I am in my seventies now.  I don't expect the heartache to ever completely heal.  I certainly will never forget it.

Keep posting and see if you can find a confidant or perhaps some professional help.

O