Hey

[assms]

Hello everyone, I am the other woman, or maybe I am not anymore. He decided to try to save the relationship and has not responded to me for a month. He was an old romance 12 years ago. I lost my virginity with Him,  was my first and I think only love. We met after this time and were involved for 5 months and now I'm like this. I haven't spoken to him and I'm devastated.

[Brigit]

Hello everyone, I am the other woman, or maybe I am not anymore. He decided to try to save the relationship and has not responded to me for a month. He was an old romance 12 years ago. I lost my virginity with Him,  was my first and I think only love. We met after this time and were involved for 5 months and now I'm like this. I haven't spoken to him and I'm devastated.

Welcome, sorry you are hurting. Did something happened that influenced his decision to try to save his other relationship? Is he married? I would hold off on contact for now if he is not responding. Hugs to you.

[assms]

Welcome, sorry you are hurting. Did something happened that influenced his decision to try to save his other relationship? Is he married? I would hold off on contact for now if he is not responding. Hugs to you.

He is not married but lives together. They do not have children but he helped raise her daughters. Eltamvem has a daughter and that is the family she knows. They went on vacation with the girls and when he came back he told me The news. What hurts me the most is that he informed me by message and told me to decide if I wanted to see dust so we could talk and then he disappeared. I can't live with the fact that I won't talk to him again. Or not ending this story properly. I've liked him for 12 years and we've always suffered for each other, why now?

[Brigit]

I saw your detailed reply on the other thread. It sounds to me like a similar development related to alcohol or as you put it there, incompetence. He is flaking out for some reason. I understand fully that you love him, it’s palpable from your writing, and you can probably feel that he loves you too. That’s not something that’s easy to hide, tbh. But sometimes love just isn’t enough, either because of circumstances or because someone is mentally not in a place where they are able to honor that love. He both feels responsible for this child and perhaps also has addiction problems. The short of it is that it has nothing to do with you. Perhaps he is trying to spare you the drama, or perhaps he just can’t handle the complexity (more likely, since he’s acting like a doofus, pardon the Gen X slang). Either way, if you can, try to give him a lot of space, perhaps go NC for a few months to get some distance. And do take care of yourself by spending time with friends or doing things you love.

[assms]

I saw your detailed reply on the other thread. It sounds to me like a similar development related to alcohol or as you put it there, incompetence. He is flaking out for some reason. I understand fully that you love him, it’s palpable from your writing, and you can probably feel that he loves you too. That’s not something that’s easy to hide, tbh. But sometimes love just isn’t enough, either because of circumstances or because someone is mentally not in a place where they are able to honor that love. He both feels responsible for this child and perhaps also has addiction problems. The short of it is that it has nothing to do with you. Perhaps he is trying to spare you the drama, or perhaps he just can’t handle the complexity (more likely, since he’s acting like a doofus, pardon the Gen X slang). Either way, if you can, try to give him a lot of space, perhaps go NC for a few months to get some distance. And do take care of yourself by spending time with friends or doing things you love.

Thank you for the words. I could just try to get over it and that's probably what I'll have to do. But yes, love is the same, I've loved it all my life and this feeling that it's my home doesn't go away. I have all the time in the world to wait for him to be ready to talk to me. I really hope that day comes. That he will talk to me and I can tell him what I have inside me.

[Violet]

Hello everyone, I am the other woman, or maybe I am not anymore. He decided to try to save the relationship and has not responded to me for a month. He was an old romance 12 years ago. I lost my virginity with Him,  was my first and I think only love. We met after this time and were involved for 5 months and now I'm like this. I haven't spoken to him and I'm devastated.

Hi assms, 

Sorry you’re dealing with this. I know it’s painful. Many EMR have on/off periods. Not saying that to give you false hope, because you should take him at his word if he says he’s decided to save his relationship. Just that many claim to, then start sniffing around again months later. You will get through this. No matter what it feels like today. One day at a time. 

Violet