Hello! ?

[Spacegirl79]

Hello all!  
I’m relieved and excited to have found an outlet/resource to work through the issues and feelings that I’ve been struggling with and can’t share anywhere else in my life. ? 

I’m recently divorced due to the discovery of my EMA and the subject of my EMA is still married but looking to leave his marriage (I know…) so I’m currently the “other woman”.

Looking forward to being a part of this community.
✌️❤️

[Violet]

Welcome! You’re in the right place.

[Brigit]

Welcome! I hope you’re doing ok.

Can I ask how your EMR was discovered? Only if you’re comfortable sharing, of course.

This is a very supportive group.

[Spacegirl79]

Welcome! I hope you’re doing ok.

Can I ask how your EMR was discovered? Only if you’re comfortable sharing, of course.

This is a very supportive group.

Thanks for the welcome! ☺️ OK seems to be the best I can do lately…which is why I’m here!  My ex-husband and I were in the car and he saw on Apple CarPlay that I had been texting with a colleague (my EMR partner) over the weekend and thought that it was weird that we were texting outside of work hours.  In my company and position I often work with others outside of business hours, but he suspected that there was something about this particular colleague.  He later that night found deleted emails between myself and EMR partner that confirmed his suspicions. I left that night and didn’t look back.  I hadn’t been happy in my marriage for many years and was contemplating leaving prior to the EMR… ironically, during our divorce, a woman called me anonymously and disclosed that she had an EMR with my ex! Obviously, we were both unhappy…

[Spacegirl79]

Welcome! You’re in the right place.

? thank you!

[Brigit]

Thanks for the welcome! ☺️ OK seems to be the best I can do lately…which is why I’m here!  My ex-husband and I were in the car and he saw on Apple CarPlay that I had been texting with a colleague (my EMR partner) over the weekend and thought that it was weird that we were texting outside of work hours.  In my company and position I often work with others outside of business hours, but he suspected that there was something about this particular colleague.  He later that night found deleted emails between myself and EMR partner that confirmed his suspicions. I left that night and didn’t look back.  I hadn’t been happy in my marriage for many years and was contemplating leaving prior to the EMR… ironically, during our divorce, a woman called me anonymously and disclosed that she had an EMR with my ex! Obviously, we were both unhappy…

Thanks for sharing! I had a CarPlay close call last summer (it was innocent texting but made me wary of CarPlay). 

It does sound like it was the best outcome for you both. I’m sorry for the turmoil though, never easy.

[Brigit]

If you’re “just ok” and want to vent or share what’s going on, please do!

[Harlow]

Hi and

I’ll never understand the coexistence of EMRs and smart cars, they just don’t go together, hence all the Ddays they cause. But it sounds like you’re satisfied with your divorce. I know I was.

How is your relationship going now? Mine improved after my D because I was able to invest more time into it and as my MM retired young we spent several days a week together.

[Virginia]

Welcome.

This page is great.

[Spacegirl79]

Hi and

I’ll never understand the coexistence of EMRs and smart cars, they just don’t go together, hence all the Ddays they cause. But it sounds like you’re satisfied with your divorce. I know I was.

How is your relationship going now? Mine improved after my D because I was able to invest more time into it and as my MM retired young we spent several days a week together.

Yes, totally satisfied with the divorce… the EMR, not so much!  Long story (as they all are) but my MM had to disclose the EMR to his wife because my xH tried to confront MM’s wife, threatened to show up at my and MM’s work and out us to the company (we were both on executive team) and various other unhinged things.  MM expressed to his wife he was looking to leave and she begged him to stay…and he did.  We’re now 1.5 years after Dday and he says that he still wants to leave but has to figure out a way to do it that doesn’t end in his two college age sons hating him.  He has since left the company I work for so we see each other less, we are limited to VERY covert interactions (wife tracks his phone/location) and what interaction we do have tends to be only of a physical nature.  Adding that he had a heart attack this summer and was trying to establish himself at a new job. I hesitate to put an ultimatum out there because I want him to leave because HE wants to and in the way that is best for the people in his life but at the same time my heart feels full when we’re together and broken when we’re apart. ? and I don’t know if I can do this for a prolonged period without losing respect for myself.  I’m at a loss on how to deal with it and it feels all consuming. ?‍?. Thanks for listening ya’ll… ❤️

[Harlow]

Ultimatums rarely work anyway. Yes, enjoy it as long as it brings you joy. As with any other relationship, when the pain or indifference is greater than the joy, it’s time to end it.

I hope he leaves his phone at work, slips out to see you, and retrieves his phone before heading back home. The phone tracking has got to feel like prison.

[Spacegirl79]

Hey y’all!  I’m a little over 2 years into my relationship as the OW and am struggling to understand where I stand.  MM has been married for over 25 years and has 2 sons aged 19 and 21.  We had a Dday about 3 months into our relationship (so about 1.5 years ago) and at the time he came clean to wife and told her he is not in love and wants to leave.  Wife begged him to stay, guilted him by saying that it would destroy the kids and lamented that there is no one for her. 

He told her he would stay, he told me that he was trying to figure out a graceful exit so that his kids didn’t hate him and she was taken care of.  Since then, he’s lost his job, had a heart attack, the younger son has had multiple behavioral and legal issues, they sold their house, she’s spent all the money and now they’re broke.  They are constantly arguing over kids and money, don’t sleep in the same bed, he avoids going home by throwing himself into his work (He has since found a good job), she avoids any discussion about the marriage and he’s miserable.  Wife is concerned about money and appearances (she’s somewhat of a wannabe socialite) so “what would people think?” So I highly doubt that she would ever leave him.  They have no retirement savings to speak of because she (and probably him) is banking on a huge inheritance from her father.  MM will be financially devastated if he leaves.  He has said that he can’t go on living as unhappy as he is, doesn’t want anything from her inheritance, he just wants to leave in a manner where the kids don’t hate him.

He feels an enormous amount of guilt and responsibility to make sure that wife and kids are taken care of because of our affair.  I am recently divorced (put into motion because of the Dday) and own my home, am financially stable and have offered him a “soft landing place” with the understanding that it’s not a free ride forever.  Not that he would entertain that.  He is very appreciative but I can tell that it would be a hard pill for him to swallow.

Long story short, I am in love with him.  I believe that he is in love with me but there’s always a little nagging voice that is telling me that he’ll never leave because of his financial situation and for fear of losing his relationship with his sons.  I’m at a loss for what to do and feel like I’m stuck in limbo… 

Send help!  Anyone else picking up what I’m putting down?!   Thanks for listening to my ramble!