Posts: 1
Threads: 1
Joined: Feb 2025
I’m not like others on here so far. The married man who spoke to me spoke to me for 5 years straight, his wife found out, he told me he didn’t feel anything for me, we started talking again - I guess because things calmed down at home. He sometimes confirms and sometimes denies that we have a connection. I’m just really struggling to break off the relationship. I feel like I’ll fall apart again if we stop talking. I need advice and I have nobody to talk to this about.
Posts: 3,129
Threads: 32
Joined: Oct 2011
I think that's super normal. He's going to keep the marriage going if that's what he wants, so he will do what he needs until the coast is clear.
How important is it to have him admit that there is a connection? Actions speak louder than words...
Posts: 22,536
Threads: 337
Joined: Oct 2011
It sounds as though he wants to prioritize the M, which is totally fine, but it also sounds like he is dealing with cognitive dissonance. He can’t stop reaching out to you yet denies there is a connection and this is simply foolishness, especially given the 5 years together. But his saying there is no connection might be his feeble attempt to prioritize his marriage. It can take years for a married person to figure out what they are really doing. But to me, it would feel mean for him to say there is no connection and I wouldn’t tolerate that. I have had to call my guy out several times with regard to where he stood on his feelings. He doesn’t play those games anymore.
No regrets
Posts: 2,845
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Joined: Dec 2017
I agree with what has already been said. I think it particularly unkind of him to say that there is no connection, clearly there is. That's very hurtful to you.
I am mindful of the title of your post- 'debilitating mental health'. I'm wondering if you are able to find any support/activities/changes etc in order to help improve your mental health?
I've often thought that having a relationship with a MM is like being on a seesaw- oh so many positives but, sadly, there are also negatives. Should the positives (good times, love, happiness etc) keep you higher than the negatives (loneliness etc) then consider staying. Should, however, the negatives be higher, then maybe it's time to consider putting one's needs and mental health first
Sending love and a hug x
