05-13-2013, 07:55 PM
Today I want to talk about one of the hardest parts about all of this.
Men. Married men.
That is all. Wow this was a short post...
Oh wait..... No that isn't QUITE what I meant... I mean, they are part of it, and part of it is that men in general just think differently than us... but if I had to pick the hardest part about all of this, I'd say that it is what I think of as the pit of darkness or the black hole of nothing. Or the giant black wall of suck.
It means that when they aren't with you, you have no idea what is going on at all.. none. You may find out or know later, but short of learning to install high quality spyware in their home (which I suppose is ALWAYS an option) during the time they are home or with family or whatever there is at least a veil over what is happening outside of your sight.
The difference between this with a married man and any single man or friend or family that is not kept chained in the basement is that at any given time or moment of concern, or if they are later than expected or not where you'd thought they'd be, you can pick up your phone and call them. You can say.. "Hey Jill, I didn't hear from you this morning, I thought we were going to make plans for coffee? Is everything okay?" And Jill can say, "Oh Crap! I'm sorry, I was doing the dishes and then the dishwasher had a nervous breakdown and the cat puked on the floor and I think Timmy flushed matchbox cars down the toilet again and I lost track of time." You would nod your head, suggest you go grab a glass of WINE instead because poor Jill obviously needs it and no harm, no foul.
But see, the catch is that most of the time the time a married man can give is limited, so if he tells you he's going to find a half hour to spend talking to you online and something happens that prevents that, you don't know what happened and chances are you don't know when you will find out, or when you'll next hear from him, and then you start to think. And you can't call him and ask. That sucks.
If you have a good imagination or a life that has not come out of a 6-year-old's storybook then you can think of a million things that could be going on. Most of them won't be pleasant.
You may think things like, Oh god, he got caught and she broke his cell phone, his laptop and they are screaming at each other as we speak. He wasn't feeling well and ran to the store for cough medicine and got into an accident and is laying in a ditch bleeding to death, and no one even knows I exist to tell me what happened. His wife set the house on fire making macaroni and cheese. His wife set the house on fire after she found an email he forgot to delete. Or, you may think something like, somewhere between breakfast this morning, his shower and his way back to message with me on the computer, he realized he didn't love me anymore.
I mean, I could go on and on about all the overly dramatic things that can go through your mind and most of them you know are ridiculous... but they cross your mind just enough to let in the disquiet. The problem is that although you can talk yourself sane again in terms of the crazy things that are going on... because it's not likely that most of those things happened (although you may be a worrier and I do acknowledge that any of them could) it's when you're left to wonder that things become really hard.
So once you don't hear from him, you may stress for a little bit, then calm down, and then wait. The problem is that minutes can seem like hours when you can't see past the wall and your mind whirls and you wonder. When actual minutes turn to hours then you may get frustrated and alternate between sad and angry, because you can't pick up the phone and say, "Hey, is everything ok?" You have to wait until he takes the time to reach out to you. Sometimes it's quick, sometimes it'll be the next day. There's always a good excuse but that doesn't really make it better.
It can suck to be left in the dark.
Men. Married men.
That is all. Wow this was a short post...
Oh wait..... No that isn't QUITE what I meant... I mean, they are part of it, and part of it is that men in general just think differently than us... but if I had to pick the hardest part about all of this, I'd say that it is what I think of as the pit of darkness or the black hole of nothing. Or the giant black wall of suck.
It means that when they aren't with you, you have no idea what is going on at all.. none. You may find out or know later, but short of learning to install high quality spyware in their home (which I suppose is ALWAYS an option) during the time they are home or with family or whatever there is at least a veil over what is happening outside of your sight.
The difference between this with a married man and any single man or friend or family that is not kept chained in the basement is that at any given time or moment of concern, or if they are later than expected or not where you'd thought they'd be, you can pick up your phone and call them. You can say.. "Hey Jill, I didn't hear from you this morning, I thought we were going to make plans for coffee? Is everything okay?" And Jill can say, "Oh Crap! I'm sorry, I was doing the dishes and then the dishwasher had a nervous breakdown and the cat puked on the floor and I think Timmy flushed matchbox cars down the toilet again and I lost track of time." You would nod your head, suggest you go grab a glass of WINE instead because poor Jill obviously needs it and no harm, no foul.
But see, the catch is that most of the time the time a married man can give is limited, so if he tells you he's going to find a half hour to spend talking to you online and something happens that prevents that, you don't know what happened and chances are you don't know when you will find out, or when you'll next hear from him, and then you start to think. And you can't call him and ask. That sucks.
If you have a good imagination or a life that has not come out of a 6-year-old's storybook then you can think of a million things that could be going on. Most of them won't be pleasant.
You may think things like, Oh god, he got caught and she broke his cell phone, his laptop and they are screaming at each other as we speak. He wasn't feeling well and ran to the store for cough medicine and got into an accident and is laying in a ditch bleeding to death, and no one even knows I exist to tell me what happened. His wife set the house on fire making macaroni and cheese. His wife set the house on fire after she found an email he forgot to delete. Or, you may think something like, somewhere between breakfast this morning, his shower and his way back to message with me on the computer, he realized he didn't love me anymore.
I mean, I could go on and on about all the overly dramatic things that can go through your mind and most of them you know are ridiculous... but they cross your mind just enough to let in the disquiet. The problem is that although you can talk yourself sane again in terms of the crazy things that are going on... because it's not likely that most of those things happened (although you may be a worrier and I do acknowledge that any of them could) it's when you're left to wonder that things become really hard.
So once you don't hear from him, you may stress for a little bit, then calm down, and then wait. The problem is that minutes can seem like hours when you can't see past the wall and your mind whirls and you wonder. When actual minutes turn to hours then you may get frustrated and alternate between sad and angry, because you can't pick up the phone and say, "Hey, is everything ok?" You have to wait until he takes the time to reach out to you. Sometimes it's quick, sometimes it'll be the next day. There's always a good excuse but that doesn't really make it better.
It can suck to be left in the dark.
Hugs & Wishes,
Em
~Love is not a victory march~
Em
~Love is not a victory march~
