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Welcome to our forum!
I'm Jen and I was in a relationship with a married man for many years. I was struggling with being the other woman and found myself to be in a constant tug of war between my heart and my mind until I found support among others who also had experience of being in an extramarital relationship. That's why True Support was started, to be a place of our own where we can find support and share our feelings without being judged because we found love in an unconventional setting.
We hope you will enjoy being a member of our community and find the support here that you are looking for.
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Once you have gained access to the support section called Base Camp, we encourage you to be active posting as it is by sharing our experiences that we can help and support each other. It will also give you an opportunity to experience the support and warmth of our community.
Once again, welcome!
Jen
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I can’t remember if I posted an introduction yet or not. I’m just happy I found a place that won’t judge me, where I can share with people who will understand.
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(02-17-2023, 01:57 AM)Happytrails Wrote: I can’t remember if I posted an introduction yet or not. I’m just happy I found a place that won’t judge me, where I can share with people who will understand.
Lance  Gwen
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Hi, and to TS! You are right, you have found a nonjudgmental place to share your story. Please continue to share.
No regrets
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I
Not sure where to post my introduction:
This is long, complicated and messy. We met at work 7 years ago and it was an instant connection. We became friends, traveled together often for work and after two years of trying to ignore things it progressed quickly one night. For the past five years it has been on and off. As of right now we aren’t talking at all. This isn’t the first time he has gone quiet with zero explanation. Initially he would get quiet when things would get too comfortable but we would talk about it and he would say things like we are getting too many feelings and it can’t go that direction. I have also ended things several times. We have fought, got back together, contact each other for successes/ advice, we both have grown so much as people since day one. Recently though he has been going awol and it seems like it always happens right after something serious happens, small and large things, conversation or physical, basically when he lets his guard down too much and says or does something that makes me feel down to my core that there is no denying that he has strong feelings also. I’m feeling so many things right now and just need some support.
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Hello, I am Sandrine and I am MW who has been involved with a MM for four years, five if you include the texting relationship that started it off.
I have an estranged marriage where spouse and I still share house, but he encouraged me that if I wanted another relationship, I could pursue it. Spouse is not sexual anymore. We have two kids in college now.
I "met" my AP in 2018, on a swipe dating app. I was not looking to meet anyone, but just gawk at who was available. I decided to look at the men in New York since none where I live were interesting. It was like looking at candy though not wanting to buy any. But when I saw my AP, I swiped right, and he swiped back.
We started talking even though we live on opposite coasts. Had nearly a year of nearly daily texts, some phone calls. We had such an intellectual and humor connection, we are same age, same culture, went to same university, so many similarities we just felt like old friends.
He said he was "separated". I admitted my status. We shared photos of our kids and places we went. When we finally met in 2019, it was a magnetic connection and we became physical, though not intercourse. On his last night in town, when I asked about his divorce he admitted he was not actually separated! I was stunned! But had already become smitten with him and he said he was "on the track to leave his marriage".
I swore to keep relationship platonic after that, but when he returned on business 3 months later, again we spent 3 days together. He continued to text me nearly daily. Again I saw him in November and he made plans to see me in 2020. Then the pandemic hit.
For the next year and a half, we didn't see one another but were in touch almost daily. He often said he loved me, and always said he missed me. Summer 2021 I agreed to see him though wasn't sure I wanted this long distance affair anymore, plus he had not gotten separated. It was even more passionate than the first time. I saw him two months later in New York, but just for drinks as I had my daughter on that trip. He begged me to spend four days in San Francisco with him in January. I saw him for one afternoon in San Francisco, because I had plans to ski. Another six months went by and he came back to West Coast and we again spent 3 days together. Not just in the hotel and dinner, but going to museums and walking on the beach.
Last fall I had plans to be in the East. I wanted to see him but his business schedule didn't allow, he was going to be in Miami. I was so disappointed, and then also learned that his daughter had gotten married and he didn't tell me, though I knew she was engaged. Ironically the night of her wedding, he texted to say, "I love you".
I decided to break off the relationship and he has RESISTED this, continuing to text me though has not made any effort to see me. I cut off contact and blocked him, but then unblocked as I hate the idea of blocking people I care about. He has kept texting me and told me he was entering therapy, because the "limbo I created isn't working".
He's now in therapy and said he told his therapist he misses me. That his therapist thinks I have been a good influence on him. He detests that I have gone out on dates and "Not to be egotistical, but I can't envision you on a date with anyone other than me." I said that is completely unfair, as he is not here, he is not available and also not trying to come out. I told him to be clear about his wants, needs, expectations, what he can give and his limitations, he says, "I don't know. I want you, but then I have to blow up my life in the process."
I am angry because of the prior deceit towards me.. but I also was in love with him. I'm frustrated that he seems to be relying on undue influence of the therapist who is advising him NOT to be forthright with his wife due to "nuclear explosions she has seen" and "collateral damage". YET, she is advising him to be more transparent with "potential new relationships". I am just bewildered that his psychotherapist would actually advise him to continue being dishonest with his wife and engage in future adulterous affairs.
AP said he and his wife have not had sex in years, she has no interest, is not emotionally close with him either. She is fine with that as her friends have marriages like that. My AP is highly successful, his wife never worked. Their children are adults on their own now. However he stands to lose a lot financially if he would divorce. They have been married since their 20s, with a very tight mutual friends social network.
Am trying to get over all this. He doesn't want to let me go but he is giving me nothing back.
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(03-14-2023, 10:38 PM)Unsure Wrote: Hello unsure. I relate to your situation though mine has been a long distance relationship. The pull is strong. Has your AP ever indicated he wanted to leave his marriage?
Not sure where to post my introduction:
This is long, complicated and messy. We met at work 7 years ago and it was an instant connection. We became friends, traveled together often for work and after two years of trying to ignore things it progressed quickly one night. For the past five years it has been on and off. As of right now we aren’t talking at all. This isn’t the first time he has gone quiet with zero explanation. Initially he would get quiet when things would get too comfortable but we would talk about it and he would say things like we are getting too many feelings and it can’t go that direction. I have also ended things several times. We have fought, got back together, contact each other for successes/ advice, we both have grown so much as people since day one. Recently though he has been going awol and it seems like it always happens right after something serious happens, small and large things, conversation or physical, basically when he lets his guard down too much and says or does something that makes me feel down to my core that there is no denying that he has strong feelings also. I’m feeling so many things right now and just need some support.
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Yes and no. He has said things indirectly that he won’t leave because his kids. His kids are young (under 10). But he also likes his wife. He has asked what did I want him to do, leave his wife. At the time I told him I don’t know which is not entirely true. I want that yes but it’s not my decision, it’s his. If he left his wife I would 100% be more than good with that and he knows that. But he’s not.
We have talked once for 2-3 days since I posted this and he has stopped again.
Everyday though I think about him and just try to carry on with other things in my life. I am a single mom with a career. my kids dad doesn’t contribute anything or have any custody or visitation so I am busy. If he is meant to be then it will happen. If not then the right person will cross paths with me eventually. I wanted more and he doesn’t so it is what it is.
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I am a MW in a relationship with a MM. I've been with my husband for over 20 years. The MM is an old coworker of mine and we got involved last summer. We both know what we have gotten ourselves into and there is no chance that either will divorce to be together. I'm looking for a safe and judgment free zone for those times when I need to vent but have nowhere else to go.
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(04-08-2023, 09:38 PM)janetjansen Wrote: I am a MW in a relationship with a MM. I've been with my husband for over 20 years. The MM is an old coworker of mine and we got involved last summer. We both know what we have gotten ourselves into and there is no chance that either will divorce to be together. I'm looking for a safe and judgment free zone for those times when I need to vent but have nowhere else to go.
Welcome- you have found a safe place.
Funny how a fantasy can end up as a tragedy
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(04-08-2023, 09:38 PM)janetjansen Wrote: I am a MW in a relationship with a MM. I've been with my husband for over 20 years. The MM is an old coworker of mine and we got involved last summer. We both know what we have gotten ourselves into and there is no chance that either will divorce to be together. I'm looking for a safe and judgment free zone for those times when I need to vent but have nowhere else to go.
You are in a safe space. We know how it feels. Does that relationship make you feel good?
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Hello and to TS one and all!
No regrets
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(04-08-2023, 10:42 PM)Sandrine Wrote: You are in a safe space. We know how it feels. Does that relationship make you feel good?
It makes me feel good to have him in my life. We were fast friends when he started working at the company I have been at and remained friends after he left. He was probably gone 2 1/2 years before we took it further. He and I seem to be better matched and what we want in the future than what either of us have with our spouses.
It is long distance though as we live on opposite coasts.
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(04-08-2023, 10:46 PM)Harlow Wrote: Hello and to TS one and all!
Thank you!
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New once MM now OM here. Hoping to share my 4 year journey of my EMR with you all. Hopefully it helps you just as much as it would me. Thanks everyone!
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(04-09-2023, 02:57 AM)janetjansen Wrote: It is long distance though as we live on opposite coasts.
Janet, I have the same situation. Do you get to see one another frequently? These LDEMRs are unique unto themselves.
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(04-12-2023, 12:01 PM)Sandrine Wrote:
Janet, I have the same situation. Do you get to see one another frequently? These LDEMRs are unique unto themselves.
Curious to know how you found the LDEMR or at least how do you make it work. We are extremely close and just a day gone especially if there is NC is brutal!
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(04-12-2023, 01:32 PM)Foreternity Wrote: Curious to know how you found the LDEMR or at least how do you make it work. We are extremely close and just a day gone especially if there is NC is brutal!
I met my LDEMR AP online on a singles app. Was idly checking out the dating population, and out of state at that. I wasn't really looking for a connection AT ALL, was just looking at candy in a candy store. Yet it happened. 10 months of texting before we met.
I'm no expert on how to make it work. We did have daily or nearly daily texts and occasional phone calls between the long periods of not seeing one another. Alot of I miss you's, I love you's. It helped get usthrough the quarantine of the pandemic. But eventually became too hard. I need a relationship IRL not mostly virtual.
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(04-12-2023, 02:05 PM)Sandrine Wrote: I'm no expert on how to make it work. We did have daily or nearly daily texts and occasional phone calls between the long periods of not seeing one another. Alot of I miss you's, I love you's. It helped get usthrough the quarantine of the pandemic. But eventually became too hard. I need a relationship IRL not mostly virtual.
Thank you.. yeah I long crave to fight about a messy house or what we will eat. Not because I miss her and sick of losing time or because she's married.. again thank you
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