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[michellemdk]

Hello,  my AP and I have been together almost five years.  Lately I have been feeling so angry and jealous of his W.  I feel as though I am the betrayed partner.  I feel like he's C on me and I am just angry most of the time.  Does anyone else feel this way? I should probably post the question in a forum since this is the introductory section.

[Jeudeballe]

Hello,  my AP and I have been together almost five years.  Lately I have been feeling so angry and jealous of his W.  I feel as though I am the betrayed partner.  I feel like he's C on me and I am just angry most of the time.  Does anyone else feel this way?  I should probably post the question in a forum since this is the introductory section.

Hi and welcome. I don’t feel that way but my EMR is different, it’s been less than a year, we don’t see each other frequently and neither of us wants to leave our marriage our break up the other. I am sure others will chime with with experiences closer to yours. Did something change recently to make you feel this way?

[Harlow]

Hello,  my AP and I have been together almost five years.  Lately I have been feeling so angry and jealous of his W.  I feel as though I am the betrayed partner.  I feel like he's C on me and I am just angry most of the time.  Does anyone else feel this way? I should probably post the question in a forum since this is the introductory section.

Hi and to TS!

Gable and I became sexually exclusive due to low libido in BW and loss of passionate love, and familial love just doesn’t ignite sparks. When she found out about me on D-Day, she tried seducing him, and he did try to engage with her but ED kicked in because of that lack of desire for her. He did tell me that he felt like he was ch---ing on me, and he didn’t like the way it made him feel and of course I didn’t either. They decided to stick together for the familial love and he and I decided to resume the EMR and continued the passionate love. So, yes, I understand the way you feel.

Are you expecting him to leave his marriage? Once I gave up that expectation, we enjoyed our relationship for a very long time, nearly 2 decades.

[Foreternity]

Very normal feelings, especially after 5 years. Welcome and hope we can help you feel better through your journey.

[Sandrine]

Hello,  my AP and I have been together almost five years.  Lately I have been feeling so angry and jealous of his W.  I feel as though I am the betrayed partner.  I feel like he's C on me and I am just angry most of the time.  Does anyone else feel this way?  I should probably post the question in a forum since this is the introductory section.

I really try not to think about my MM's wife.  For awhile I was looking at her FB profile which says "married" and peeped at his daughter's public social media which showed some family pics.  It was making me upset so I stopped. 

Who I am angry at is MM.... who hasn't had the guts to leave a long marriage that no longer makes him happy, but also know he's got huge financial issues and family ones (with kids, who are grown).  Whether he will ever decide to leave, IDK.  I broke up w/him as a result back in October, but just saw him this June after nearly a 10 month absence.  These relationships are complicated when the connection is intense (not just sexual, but emotional and intellectual).
Are you married also?

[michellemdk]

Hi and welcome. I don’t feel that way but my EMR is different, it’s been less than a year, we don’t see each other frequently and neither of us wants to leave our marriage our break up the other. I am sure others will chime with with experiences closer to yours. Did something change recently to make you feel this way?

Nothing has changed recently, I think I'm just tired of being the other woman.  I want him to leave her and he won't.  This relationship has been hard on me and I wish I was strong enough to end it.  I have tried a few times but I can't stay away from him for more than a few weeks.  It's just so hard.

[michellemdk]

Hi and to TS!

Gable and I became sexually exclusive due to low libido in BW and loss of passionate love, and familial love just doesn’t ignite sparks. When she found out about me on D-Day, she tried seducing him, and he did try to engage with her but ED kicked in because of that lack of desire for her. He did tell me that he felt like he was ch---ing on me, and he didn’t like the way it made him feel and of course I didn’t either. They decided to stick together for the familial love and he and I decided to resume the EMR and continued the passionate love. So, yes, I understand the way you feel.

Are you expecting him to leave his marriage? Once I gave up that expectation, we enjoyed our relationship for a very long time, nearly 2 decades.

He says he hasn't been with her sexually in almost three years.  She never showed much interest and he quit trying once he and I started our relationship.  I believe him.  I want him to leave his marriage but he won't.  It's because of financial reasons.  He's afraid she will destroy him financially.  I need to give up on that expectation as well, if I could accept our relationship for what it is, I would probably be ok.

[michellemdk]

Very normal feelings, especially after 5 years. Welcome and hope we can help you feel better through your journey.

Thank you. 

[Sandrine]

He says he hasn't been with her sexually in almost three years.  She never showed much interest and he quit trying once he and I started our relationship.  I believe him.  I want him to leave his marriage but he won't.  It's because of financial reasons.  He's afraid she will destroy him financially.  I need to give up on that expectation as well, if I could accept our relationship for what it is, I would probably be ok.

How are you doing with this EMR now?  Still a struggle being the OW and wanting him to leave his wife?

[michellemdk]

I really try not to think about my MM's wife.  For awhile I was looking at her FB profile which says "married" and peeped at his daughter's public social media which showed some family pics.  It was making me upset so I stopped. 

Who I am angry at is MM.... who hasn't had the guts to leave a long marriage that no longer makes him happy, but also know he's got huge financial issues and family ones (with kids, who are grown).  Whether he will ever decide to leave, IDK.  I broke up w/him as a result back in October, but just saw him this June after nearly a 10 month absence.  These relationships are complicated when the connection is intense (not just sexual, but emotional and intellectual).
Are you married also?

I've done the same....looked at her social media posts which upset me.  I'm also angry at MM for the same reason.  He complains how unhappy he is with her but won't leave.  I've tried to end our relationship a few times but I keep going back.  When I try to end it, he won't leave me alone and I essentially give in.  Yes, I am also married.  I'm seriously thinking about ending my marriage because I'm not happy.   I need to find the courage to move on from both men in my life.

[michellemdk]

How are you doing with this EMR now?  Still a struggle being the OW and wanting him to leave his wife?

I'm still struggling.  We worked together and I quit my job so that I could end our relationship.  That only lasted a few weeks.  We're still communicating and even had an overnight together recently.  I just don't get how he can tell me the things he tells me (how much he loves me, I'm his best friend, I'm the only women he's ever loved, how much he wants to be with me) and not leave her.  We have a deep connection and have for several years now.  It's not just a one night stand kind of A.  I wish I could be strong enough to end it with him, I'm tired of this pain.

[alisha]

I'm still struggling.  We worked together and I quit my job so that I could end our relationship.  That only lasted a few weeks.  We're still communicating and even had an overnight together recently.  I just don't get how he can tell me the things he tells me (how much he loves me, I'm his best friend, I'm the only women he's ever loved, how much he wants to be with me) and not leave her.  We have a deep connection and have for several years now.  It's not just a one night stand kind of A.  I wish I could be strong enough to end it with him, I'm tired of this pain.

Oh my that is heartbreaking.  You should not be in pain.  You are strong enough to change things for yourself.   You deserve better. Take care of yourself.   Please don't let anyone cause you pain.

[OUrania]

He says he hasn't been with her sexually in almost three years.  She never showed much interest and he quit trying once he and I started our relationship.  I believe him.  I want him to leave his marriage but he won't.  It's because of financial reasons.  He's afraid she will destroy him financially.  I need to give up on that expectation as well, if I could accept our relationship for what it is, I would probably be ok.

If you don't accept it, you will not be happy with the EMR ever. 

It was something I couldn't accept so I left,although I still love him. 

O

[Foreternity]

I've come to terms MW will never leave. We don't talk about her home life anymore. Recently she had a "big argument" at home and we kinda lost connection. I get it though

I said the same I never loved a woman as I do her. I never felt the feelings she has also given me. I've been in many and also have kids and responsibilities, so that allowed me to truly appreciate the relationship.

I think I worked extra harder since I had competition and also wanted to prove my love even I had another woman at-home.

I to long to be together with her and once called her a coward. But I'm not ready to leave NOR do I think my life would be great without her. So that's why I accept this

In the end I feel she puts more effort in her M than she does for us. But she also has kids, works with him and a home

It's not that easy for most to leave. It took me 2 years to push XBW away and give time for her and the kids to find a place to stay safely

Hope that helps

[Sandrine]

I've done the same....looked at her social media posts which upset me.  I'm also angry at MM for the same reason.  He complains how unhappy he is with her but won't leave.  I've tried to end our relationship a few times but I keep going back.  When I try to end it, he won't leave me alone and I essentially give in.  Yes, I am also married.  I'm seriously thinking about ending my marriage because I'm not happy.   I need to find the courage to move on from both men in my life.

Michelle I am right there with you.  It's hard enough having a primary relationship that isn't satisfying, but add to that a second?  I think your MM is doing ok with the relationship he has with you; I feel my MM is as well.  It is you who are frustrated (as I have been with my AP). 
If you muster up the resolve to truly end things, NC---Delete and block-- is extreme but the healthiest.  It's just my own approach but I'd tell the AP that this is what you are doing. The biggest problem here is that ending an EMR forces you to deal with your own unsatisfactory marriage.  I am going through that too.

[Foreternity]

When MW left me for just a week. I went home even more miserable, so that was another reason I knew it would never work. It just goes to show an EMR wasn't why I was unsatisfied

[MustangSally]

Michelle, I’m sad you’re feeling this way, but I understand it. I’m also coming up on the 5-year mark with my CM and I find myself feeling exactly how you described in your initial post when I don’t get as much time with him as I’m used to - whether it be less texting or f2f… If we’re texting throughout the day or when I see him a few times throughout the week I’m as happy as can be, but when that pattern breaks for whatever reason the negativity and anger starts to kick in. In fact I was having one of those angry days today after 4 days of LC because he’s had extended family in town taking up all his time. 

Is there any scenario where you could be happy in the EMR? I struggled with this question several years ago after we got caught when I realized he would never leave his BP for me. It took a lot of soul searching and self evaluation, but I did figure out how to be happy most of the time, but sometimes the anger and frustration and feeling “less than” still surface and I’ve come to accept that and ride the wave of emotions knowing they’re just temporary.

Whatever path you take, whether it’s walking away or figuring out how to be happy and stay in it, you have support and you’re not alone.

[Foreternity]

Michelle, I’m sad you’re feeling this way, but I understand it. I’m also coming up on the 5-year mark with my CM and I find myself feeling exactly how you described in your initial post when I don’t get as much time with him as I’m used to - whether it be less texting or f2f… If we’re texting throughout the day or when I see him a few times throughout the week I’m as happy as can be, but when that pattern breaks for whatever reason the negativity and anger starts to kick in. In fact I was having one of those angry days today after 4 days of LC because he’s had extended family in town taking up all his time. 

Is there any scenario where you could be happy in the EMR? I struggled with this question several years ago after we got caught when I realized he would never leave his BP for me. It took a lot of soul searching and self evaluation, but I did figure out how to be happy most of the time, but sometimes the anger and frustration and feeling “less than” still surface and I’ve come to accept that and ride the wave of emotions knowing they’re just temporary.

Whatever path you take, whether it’s walking away or figuring out how to be happy and stay in it, you have support and you’re not alone.

Same feelings here. Jealousy or upset the attitude and attention changes. I used to say oh because you did that's or that with whoever you had fun and didn't care how I was. 

I learned to just let it ride the course. I remember so well going out with XBW to a cottage in the beginning of our EMR and I hated it with a passion . So I always wonder if that's what she needs to see she wants out of her M .

I also view the EMR she will never leave BH so I try to take it for what it is. And surprisingly enough it's been better for me

[michellemdk]

Oh my that is heartbreaking.  You should not be in pain.  You are strong enough to change things for yourself.   You deserve better. Take care of yourself.   Please don't let anyone cause you pain.

Thank you alisha.