Hey

[Ashleyms1987]

Hey everyone. I'm really new too this type of relationship situation. I am dealing with feelings I've never really felt before and even feeling major empathy for the wife. I just don't like the bad feelings that this relationship has me feeling and I wanted to get help from others who may have experienced this situation.

[Gwen]

Yes, by supporting each other it is so much easier to navigate these relationships. When you learn what is specific for an extramarital relationship, you learn not to take it personally. While I understand you may feel bad for his wife, IMO she has no more right to her love than you have to yours.

[MustangSally]

What type of bad feelings?

Even after 5 years I’m still having to constantly explore how I feel and while I learn more about my limits and strengths, I still struggle with what this is doing to me on a regular basis. Although I have to admit I don’t feel much for BP… that’s his problem, not mine. 

Let us know what you’re feeling… someone will have the same experience and it will strike a chord with you. You aren’t alone!!

[Harlow]

Hi and

I was the BW so when I began an EMR with my MM I at first felt empathy, but then I realized hey, if I got over it in my M, I’m sure BW will too. The OW in my M didn’t do anything to me, it was my H who had the affair so she owed me nothing, not an apology or even empathy, so I eventually stopped feeling unnecessary feelings towards BW’s position in all of this.

I think you will get there too.

[Jeudeballe]

Hey everyone. I'm really new too this type of relationship situation. I am dealing with feelings I've never really felt before and even feeling major empathy for the wife. I just don't like the bad feelings that this relationship has me feeling and I wanted to get help from others who may have experienced this situation.

Hi there,

I also struggle with this and feel a lot of empathy, sadness and guilt related to MM’s completely innocent BW (and my own BH).

I didn’t look for nor did I want an EMR. I just…fell in love at the wrong place and the wrong time. My MM feels similarly guilty. We have cut down on communication a lot lately. It’s made things a bit easier for me.

I don’t know that I can help per se, but I can tell you that you’re not alone in your feelings.

[OUrania]

No I never felt guilty.  I don't know her, I didn't sign a document to say I would be faithful to her.  xMM did. She has nothing to do with me.

O

[alisha]

Hey everyone. I'm really new too this type of relationship situation. I am dealing with feelings I've never really felt before and even feeling major empathy for the wife. I just don't like the bad feelings that this relationship has me feeling and I wanted to get help from others who may have experienced this situation.

Hi,  I am also very new to this EMR experience.  I haven't completely figured out my feelings regarding his wife, but for the most part I think that is his problem.    I agree with the sentiment that I made no promises to her.  I don't want to see anyone hurt, but there is something wrong in that marriage or he wouldn't be looking elsewhere.    Do your bad feelings outweigh the good?

[Daisy Rose]

Welcome to TS.



When I first found out that my MM and his BW were having marital difficulties, I felt very sad for both of them. I knew them both for a couple of years before the EMR began, and I thought they had the perfect marriage. They had me fooled as much as everyone else. They put on such a façade around their friends and acquaintances. I think even with some of their family members too. I was extremely surprised, shocked even, when MM contacted me out the blue and began flirting right out of the gate. I had no idea their marriage was such a miserable mess. When we began the EMR, I initially felt sad for BW. But it was never enough to keep me away from MM. He and I got along so much better then the two of them did. Even now after all the years (12), I still feel sad for her somewhat. I feel sad that she doesn't have a happy marriage. The more I got to know MM on a personal level, the more I realized how dysfunctional their marriage was. She has never been a very good wife to him. I haven't felt nearly as sad for her over the past few years like I did initially. As bizarre as their relationship with each other is (they rarely spend any time together, they both go about their own business and do their own thing), she seems to be content with it. So does he. I'm sure she wouldn't feel one bit sorry for me if she were to find out about the EMR.

[Foreternity]

Welcome. Me being the MM/OM I only felt a bit bad when they fought or the child situation we had. It's natural but I learned if we dont focus on ourself and our feelings we will struggle with all the emotions even a regular relationship brings.

I feel bad recently they are fighting terribly as I do feel some women take it much worse than others. For me Im considered heartless so fight away

Love is endless with no face. Though you feel the way you do the balls in his you may find more peace that way

Cheers

[Sandrine]

Hey everyone. I'm really new too this type of relationship situation. I am dealing with feelings I've never really felt before and even feeling major empathy for the wife. I just don't like the bad feelings that this relationship has me feeling and I wanted to get help from others who may have experienced this situation.

Hi Ashley and welcome.  Yes I have felt empathy for my MM's BW.  That's just me.  My spouse and I arrived at an understanding that I could have an affair, and I did for a few years with a divorced friend so I didn't feel bad.   But for the last 5 years I have had a long distance EMR with a MM, and have felt badly for his wife.  I feel like an accomplice to deceit and wish he would just come clean, but he won't as it would blow up his life.    Your feelings are not weird.   I glean from this that you are single, as you didn't mention having a husband or other partner?