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Hello, please please please someone tell me this will get easier. I’ve been seeing a married man for around 8/9 years. I fell in love before I even knew he was married and couldn’t cut it off as I’d got in to deep. I was beginning to get there. I’d see him less, he never made the effort. We hadn’t slept together in a while and messages varied from 1/10 a week. I see him last weekend when I was out somewhere I knew he would be. I was enjoying myself dancing with some guy friends and he started shouting at me, he’s the married one. He embarrassed me in front of both our friends. Anyway I ended up sleeping with him that night, stupid I know and I regret it. But now it’s taken me 10 steps backwards. I’m struggling I can’t stop thinking about him, I want to get over him so badly but I just want him to message me so I can gain back some control. We haven’t spoken since that night. I’ve wasted so much of my younger years on him and I’m worried I’m never going to love someone as much as I love him.
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(04-24-2025, 03:52 PM)Rwhell Wrote: Hello, please please please someone tell me this will get easier. I’ve been seeing a married man for around 8/9 years. I fell in love before I even knew he was married and couldn’t cut it off as I’d got in to deep. I was beginning to get there. I’d see him less, he never made the effort. We hadn’t slept together in a while and messages varied from 1/10 a week. I see him last weekend when I was out somewhere I knew he would be. I was enjoying myself dancing with some guy friends and he started shouting at me, he’s the married one. He embarrassed me in front of both our friends. Anyway I ended up sleeping with him that night, stupid I know and I regret it. But now it’s taken me 10 steps backwards. I’m struggling I can’t stop thinking about him, I want to get over him so badly but I just want him to message me so I can gain back some control. We haven’t spoken since that night. I’ve wasted so much of my younger years on him and I’m worried I’m never going to love someone as much as I love him.
There doesn't sound like he has a lot about him to love. Is he worth the heartache?
O
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(04-24-2025, 03:52 PM)Rwhell Wrote: Hello, please please please someone tell me this will get easier. I’ve been seeing a married man for around 8/9 years. I fell in love before I even knew he was married and couldn’t cut it off as I’d got in to deep. I was beginning to get there. I’d see him less, he never made the effort. We hadn’t slept together in a while and messages varied from 1/10 a week. I see him last weekend when I was out somewhere I knew he would be. I was enjoying myself dancing with some guy friends and he started shouting at me, he’s the married one. He embarrassed me in front of both our friends. Anyway I ended up sleeping with him that night, stupid I know and I regret it. But now it’s taken me 10 steps backwards. I’m struggling I can’t stop thinking about him, I want to get over him so badly but I just want him to message me so I can gain back some control. We haven’t spoken since that night. I’ve wasted so much of my younger years on him and I’m worried I’m never going to love someone as much as I love him.
Hi Rwhell! Welcome to TS! 8-9 years is a long time. You should try not to beat yourself up because that time spent can’t be changed. You have lived it and fell in love. Having been in your shoes (where the MM didn’t tell me he is M until after my feelings already developed) I know it’s a hard space to be in. You may be trying (as I did) to make yourself get over him. For me, that didn’t work. I had to allow myself to feel my feelings. If you truly want to get over him, if he’s willing, maybe consider talking to him about what happened (in terms of how it hurt you that he embarrassed you in that way). Hopefully he will also communicate his feelings about that night too. If you don’t want to reach out, this may increase your own agony as more days go by and you’re still waiting. It’s scary (to be vulnerable) but if he isn’t receptive to talking to you then that might give you more motivation to start truly letting go. But, if he is receptive, then that can help ease the intense emotions you’re feeling. I hope you will find a solution soon.
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Welcome!
I, too, did not know MM was married until I was head over heels in love (six months in- naive, I know).
I cannot believe that he shouted at you for dancing with someone else- this is such hypocritical behaviour on his part, whilst potentially indicating in a slightly warped and inappropriate way that he does care about you. In embarrassing you, he also showed up a really unattractive side to himself, if you want my thoughts. What kind, caring, loving person wants to embarrass someone they love in this way? Hmmmmm.....
So you fell back into his arms. Don't beat yourself up about that. It happens and I hope you enjoyed your time together. Although, ultimately, I appreciate that this has now taken you back on your healing journey. It's like being in a game of snakes and ladders, isn't it? So, what now? Will you stay on your current square and hopefully plod slowly forward again, slowly but surely. Or will you contact him, maybe then get some resolution which might help you to heal quicker, jumping up the ladder in the game?
As has already been said, waiting is hard. Personally, I don't think you have anything to lose by reaching out for a conversation about what happened and what it all meant to him. However, have a good think about what it meant to you too. You are the important one here.
So I am unable to answer whether or not it will get easier for you. I am also unable to answer whether or not you will ever love anyone as much as you love him. Hopefully, to the first. Possibly not, to the second. But you might find someone who loves you as much as you love him, and that might be quite beautiful.......
Keep us posted! x
