Nnew member

[ottershaw]

Hi, new here today

Im involved with a MM who I've known for a couple of years just to chat to.   We met online (not a dating site) and have chatted on and off just in the open forum, then about 6 months ago, started messaging in DM but still chatted on the forum too.  We finally met about 3 months ago and have just hit it off.   I wasnt looking for a relationship, it was just a laugh.   We have met up a few times since either just for coffee but twice met up over a weekend when away with others from the club we both belong to.   We have been intimate.   I see him when time allows.   He understands me and always has time for me which is great.     My issue atm is that he is going on holiday with his OH and its really got to me.  I met with him today for a coffee and said how I felt but I felt bad that I was basically being needy and jealous.   I dont want him to think bad of me, but Im glad I told him how I felt.   He didnt really know what to say, he got emotional saying he cares about how I feel.

How do you guys cope with this,  this is all new to me.  Thank you

[Emilyj]

Welcome!

You are not being needy or jealous, your feelings are your feelings and you are more than justified in however you are feeling. I'm glad you were able to share how you feel with him.

I absolutely hate it if MM goes away with BW and he is well aware of this! He claims he never wants to go but words don't count for anything, actions do.

So I don't cope well. Although, it's nice not having to be 'ready' and I love having lazy days with no make up on! He continues to ring and message me whilst away which is something, I guess.

It doesn't get any easier though and it's been over a decade. Thankfully, he doesn't go away very often

[ottershaw]

Thanks for sharing your experience, means a lot that I can 'talk' about things on here, as no one irl would understand

[Emilyj]

Yes, this site is a great place in which to offload, gain insight and support. Being in an EMR can feel like a really lonely place and this non-judgemental space is most welcome

[Jaye]

Hi, ew here today

Im involved with a MM who I've known for a couple of years just to chat to.   We met online (not a dating site) and have chatted on and off just in the open forum, then about 6 months ago, started messaging in DM but still chatted on the forum too.  We finally met about 3 months ago and have just hit it off.   I wasnt looking for a relationship, it was just a laugh.   We have met up a few times since either just for coffee but twice met up over a weekend when away with others from the club we both belong to.   We have been intimate.   I see him when time allows.   He understands me and always has time for me which is great.     My issue atm is that he is going on holiday with his OH and its really got to me.  I met with him today for a coffee and said how I felt but I felt bad that I was basically being needy and jealous.   I dont want him to think bad of me, but Im glad I told him how I felt.   He didnt really know what to say, he got emotional saying he cares about how I feel.

How do you guys cope with this,  this is all new to me.  Thank you

Hi Ottershaw! I just had a similar experience.  You did so good to tell him how you felt. My MM tried to talk to me about how I felt,  but I couldn't really do it, so I think that you did is amazing. I am trying to use Buddhist methods to cope: staying in the present moment,  trying not to imagine what he is doing or anticipating anything.  I'm new to it but it does help.  I feel your pain and I'm sorry you feel that way.  It helps to know someone else is feeling that way,  too. Thanks for sharing!

[rozay]

Holidays away from someone you care for, especially one you're intimately seeing, can be hard. It's even harder knowing they are with BW. The mind can run wild and it can feel very discomforting. I remember at the beginning stages of my EMR when MM went out to dinner to celebrate BW's birthday and I tried to keep myself occupied, but the constant overthinking still managed to take over. I understand. It's not easy to sit in that.

Good for you for sharing how you felt. We are all human and experience different emotions and that was mature of you to bring them up and have an open discussion about it, even is he didn't know what to say, at least you were able to openly talk about how it feels for you. I think whether they understand or not, it is valid and important to have those discussions as you are both adults knowing the relationship you hold and are knowledge of your unique situation. it's okay to talk about it. It doesn't have to be an elephant in the room if you don't want it to. Send updates!

Proud of you and welcome to TS! This site has helped me in so many ways with navigating my own EMR.  I hope it does the same for you! (:

[ottershaw]

Well, he went away and I had thought  it would be best to have no contact for that time.   He said, he'd still like to message when he could but that it might be difficult with the time differences.  Anyways, we managed to message every night he was away, which I was really surprised and pleased about.   He said he missed me and we chatted just as we had before he went away.   

We've met up since he's been home and had a lovely weekend away, it was amazing.   He knows how I feel about him and he understands that at times, reality kicks in for me and he has been really good supporting me through it.   We chat every day and every nite for hours and its lovely.  

We've planned another weekend away in a few weeks which we are both looking forward to.  Tbh, when we first got together, he said that we would not be able to meet up much and it would be difficult, but we've managed to have a few meet ups for coffee and lunch and had 3 weekends away, in that short time.   So I think we've done quite well. 

I love having this place to be able to talk about things that I wouldnt be able to talk about irl, thank you

[Emilyj]

Well, he went away and I had thought  it would be best to have no contact for that time.   He said, he'd still like to message when he could but that it might be difficult with the time differences.  Anyways, we managed to message every night he was away, which I was really surprised and pleased about.   He said he missed me and we chatted just as we had before he went away.   

We've met up since he's been home and had a lovely weekend away, it was amazing.   He knows how I feel about him and he understands that at times, reality kicks in for me and he has been really good supporting me through it.   We chat every day and every nite for hours and its lovely.  

We've planned another weekend away in a few weeks which we are both looking forward to.  Tbh, when we first got together, he said that we would not be able to meet up much and it would be difficult, but we've managed to have a few meet ups for coffee and lunch and had 3 weekends away, in that short time.   So I think we've done quite well. 

I love having this place to be able to talk about things that I wouldnt be able to talk about irl, thank you

I think you're doing amazing well- my MM and I chat for hours every day and message constantly but weekends away have never happened and sound bliss! Enjoy!

[ottershaw]

I think you're doing amazing well- my MM and I chat for hours every day and message constantly but weekends away have never happened and sound bliss! Enjoy!

Thank you.   Tbh I never thought we'd be able to spend as much time as we have.  Im just enjoying the time and trying not to think too far forward.

[Brigit]

Hi there,

It is a rollercoaster ride. You seem to be handling it well. I’d say think about what you ultimately want and need and treat it like any other relationship. I would have probably insisted on more candid conversations early on with my OMM, but it’s an entirely different situation.

EMRs are difficult but you do learn a whole lot about yourself. I have grown, had some incredible experiences and some tough times too. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend one, but the heart wants what the heart wants…

Looking forward to following your journey.

[ottershaw]

Thank you all for your words of support, this place is amazing.   I feel comfortable posting