Welcome to our forum. It's called True Support

[Irene Adler]

... & that's what we hope to provide & will do our best to offer you.

We are a support forum for anyone who has been in an EMR.
Wherever you are along the road of an EMR , we will help & support you.

Falling in love with another person is a complicated & often stressful thing. It is often NOT the roses & moonshine , happy ever after, experience we are taught to believe in.
Falling in love with someone who is married .. or falling in love whilst being married to another .. is probably one of the hardest & most ( self ) confrontational things we will ever do.

I'm going to tell you how I feel & how it felt for me being a single Other Woman.

Most of us walk ( or should I say fall ) into it not knowing what to expect.
Yes, we ( usually ) know they are married. But we have NO idea HOW that will impact us.
All we really know or can focus on is that we are intensely in love. We often feel like we have met the man of our dreams. Our 'soul mate' . Someone SO special that we are willing to jump in .. & HOPE that our love is so special that the MP ( married person ) will give up their marriage .. that their eyes will be opened to just what a unique & special thing has come into their lives.
We hang on for dear life & hope & pray that this will happen.

In the meantime .. we struggle with being the 'Other'. We have to face our own moral dilemmas .. we have to cope with being hidden .. with being involved in , a part of , a thing we probably thought we would never do.

It slowly begins to dawn on us that the MP ( married person ) is most likely not going to leave. Certainly not as quickly as we had hoped & maybe never.
Self doubt creeps in. Trust issues.
An EMR will mercilessly expose all of your insecurities. Will shine a bright light into corners of your psyche you didn't know you had.
It will ask a love & a commitment as great , if not greater, of you than any open R.
Not only to your partner but also to yourself.

You will most likely be told that you are a bad person by friends , family & the outside world. You will be marginalized & judged. You may well be your own harshest judge & critic.
You will certainly feel confused & frightened .. truly stuck between a rock & a hard place.

You will question your partner's motives , your own motives. You will have times of despair & times of elation.
You will feel like a needy nutcase ( quite often in my case )
You will wonder how much your partner tells you the truth .. after a while you may wonder IF you could recognise the truth if it got up & BIT you !

You may feel guilt .. you may feel none .. you may feel both those things in the course of the same hour !
You will feel love , hate, worry, desire , confusion, anger, fear ..
You will probably thrash around for a direction , a life-line , an ANSWER.
AND , over-riding all that will be a love/attraction/need .. yes maybe even an obsession .. with & for this person who has come into your life in the most impossible & challenging way . They are married.

How to cope ? How & what to accept , or not to accept ? What to do ? Where will it lead ? What should I feel ? Will he leave ? Am I fooling myself ? Is he lying to me ? Does he love me ? and many many more quite normal & very valid questions run daily through your head & heart.

AND .. you can talk to no-one ! You feel truly alone .. Not only do you feel like a prisoner of your own feelings but like you are a prisoner of his need/want to keep the R secret.

This forum is a safe place where you can talk & vent about those feelings & questions.
We are all here for the same reason. To support & help each other & ourselves.
There are many different types of people & experiences here. From people who have been in an EMR for decades & whose lover is not leaving their marriage ( me for instance ) .. To people who have just met someone who is married .. people whose partner has left the marriage & is divorcing .. to people who have ended their EMR & are processing .. and all points in between.

There will be someone who understands no matter where you are in the journey.

We will not be shocked. We will not judge.
We believe in support & empathy. In helping each other in a kind & understanding way.
If we have no wise words .. we always have hugs & support.