08-20-2018, 05:48 AM
Believe it or not .. I am a Happy Other Woman.
Yes, it does happen and more often than we might think, given the large canon of accepted dogma on the subject. All promoting the stereotypical negative version of EMR's (extra marital relationship) and OP's (other person). The one we see repeated in all mainstream media and on most "support" sites for OP's.
Well, I'm here to tell you that negative cliche is not true in my case. I suspect there are many of us Happy OP's around. Why don't we hear about those ? I think because, in the main, happy, content people don't join support forums .. or they get run off/put off by the negative bias & reception given to OP's on most of those forums. Except True Support of course!
So, am I devoid of morals, empathy? Am I needy, lacking self-esteem, a bitch, a traitor to the 'sister-hood' , narcissistic, sociopath, addicted, .. err what else .. a fantasist, being used, a doormat .. on and on I could go.
The answer is NO. I'm a normal woman who fell in love. That I fell in love with a married man was my misfortune ,and, I discovered, a jewel of (self) discovery, love & delight.
I took a "road less taken" .. and like most roads less taken it went meandering, sometimes into dark, unlit spaces. It got spooky and frightening too sometimes .. but it also showed me new things. Things about myself, about the nature of love. It led me to unexpected beauty and open vistas, things that I had never seen before.
It taught me that I was strong. It also taught me that love comes into our lives in many different ways. That the shape it takes is often not as important as being able to give and, (a hard lesson for many) receive it. In whatever form it arrives.
Yes, I hurt sometimes in the past when the relationship was new and I was very *in love*, that desperate, all encompassing NEEDY love one feels when it's all new. The genes calling you to mate & bond kinda love. I yearned for the traditional relationship (acknowledged as a couple/living together) .. and cried rivers .. but, I gradually realized that was more hormones and cultural indoctrination than it was a real need in me.
So, that made it easier to find my place in the scheme of things and accept that he is married. See the reality of my needs and that an EMR suits them.
This does not mean that the love is less or not as passionate as any other relationship.. be that a marriage or an extramarital relationship that is working towards being together as an open couple. My relationship is as real and solid as any other kind of romantic relationship. He/the relationship we have together is my anchor. Helps keep me feeling on an even keel. I have a wonderful man in my life, who treats me well and with respect. We get on well together, we have great chemistry, the relationship works well and fits my life as I want it to be. I don't want to be married. and I don't need to be acknowledged as "the official partner of". I know what we have , I'm secure in his love for me.
For me, that is not measured in outward things .. but in the solidity and realness of our feelings for each other. The knowledge that what we share is an important , life affirming, living beating heart of our personal lives. Something special that we will remember to our dying day.
Of course we have our grumbles sometimes .. we work it out, just like any relationship.
I often think it's a mistake to blame dysfunction between you on the relationship being an extramarital relationship. Yes, it's hard/frustrating to be the OP sometimes, but significant and prolonged dysfunction in a relationship is a red flag. It's a sign that communication is not working. Assigning all the blame, focusing on the extramarital aspect being the cause, is to miss important problems that will not go away or disappear, even if you do become a public couple.
So, to make a long story short. I'm a Happy OW (Other Woman). Have been for 15+ years. It is no fairytale fantasy or a 'settling for'. I am happy in my life and in a complete and fulfilling relationship. It does happen and I'd wager I'm not that unusual!
Yes, it does happen and more often than we might think, given the large canon of accepted dogma on the subject. All promoting the stereotypical negative version of EMR's (extra marital relationship) and OP's (other person). The one we see repeated in all mainstream media and on most "support" sites for OP's.
Well, I'm here to tell you that negative cliche is not true in my case. I suspect there are many of us Happy OP's around. Why don't we hear about those ? I think because, in the main, happy, content people don't join support forums .. or they get run off/put off by the negative bias & reception given to OP's on most of those forums. Except True Support of course!
So, am I devoid of morals, empathy? Am I needy, lacking self-esteem, a bitch, a traitor to the 'sister-hood' , narcissistic, sociopath, addicted, .. err what else .. a fantasist, being used, a doormat .. on and on I could go.
The answer is NO. I'm a normal woman who fell in love. That I fell in love with a married man was my misfortune ,and, I discovered, a jewel of (self) discovery, love & delight.
I took a "road less taken" .. and like most roads less taken it went meandering, sometimes into dark, unlit spaces. It got spooky and frightening too sometimes .. but it also showed me new things. Things about myself, about the nature of love. It led me to unexpected beauty and open vistas, things that I had never seen before.
It taught me that I was strong. It also taught me that love comes into our lives in many different ways. That the shape it takes is often not as important as being able to give and, (a hard lesson for many) receive it. In whatever form it arrives.
Yes, I hurt sometimes in the past when the relationship was new and I was very *in love*, that desperate, all encompassing NEEDY love one feels when it's all new. The genes calling you to mate & bond kinda love. I yearned for the traditional relationship (acknowledged as a couple/living together) .. and cried rivers .. but, I gradually realized that was more hormones and cultural indoctrination than it was a real need in me.
So, that made it easier to find my place in the scheme of things and accept that he is married. See the reality of my needs and that an EMR suits them.
This does not mean that the love is less or not as passionate as any other relationship.. be that a marriage or an extramarital relationship that is working towards being together as an open couple. My relationship is as real and solid as any other kind of romantic relationship. He/the relationship we have together is my anchor. Helps keep me feeling on an even keel. I have a wonderful man in my life, who treats me well and with respect. We get on well together, we have great chemistry, the relationship works well and fits my life as I want it to be. I don't want to be married. and I don't need to be acknowledged as "the official partner of". I know what we have , I'm secure in his love for me.
For me, that is not measured in outward things .. but in the solidity and realness of our feelings for each other. The knowledge that what we share is an important , life affirming, living beating heart of our personal lives. Something special that we will remember to our dying day.
Of course we have our grumbles sometimes .. we work it out, just like any relationship.
I often think it's a mistake to blame dysfunction between you on the relationship being an extramarital relationship. Yes, it's hard/frustrating to be the OP sometimes, but significant and prolonged dysfunction in a relationship is a red flag. It's a sign that communication is not working. Assigning all the blame, focusing on the extramarital aspect being the cause, is to miss important problems that will not go away or disappear, even if you do become a public couple.
So, to make a long story short. I'm a Happy OW (Other Woman). Have been for 15+ years. It is no fairytale fantasy or a 'settling for'. I am happy in my life and in a complete and fulfilling relationship. It does happen and I'd wager I'm not that unusual!
