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Relationships after EMR ends
Hi thanks for this space. I was the other woman in an emr and I had attempted to form a polyamorous set up from the beginning, so I never wanted to be the side chick. But that is what happened. We ended it because he told his wife about it and she did not want polyamory after the betrayal or even at all, and he chose her. He always expressed to me that he wouldn’t leave his wife, so it’s never been a surprise. But the lying to me was. He had been telling me that he was working on opening the marriage throughout our relationship. I continuously pushed him to have those conversations and asked for updates, but they were not even happening. So when he told her and she found out the extent of the affair, it was really traumatic for her. I guess he had also been neglecting that relationship and also his relationship with his kid. His kid apparently had overheard him on the phone with me as well, and had experienced trauma from knowing he was ch---ing on their mom. Kid was 14 at the time. So yeah it’s been over for over a year but he and I still work together sometimes and our work is very stressful so I end up relying on him emotionally, which is triggering. I feel like either I’m this terrible person in his life or he’s being terrible to me. I am trying to invest in relationships that are positive and reciprocal and healthy, but it’s hard because no one can show up for me in my work the way he can. My work is intimately tied to my identity, so there’s been a big gap there and I don’t know how to solve for it right now. I’m going to go see a music showcase that he’s apart of later today. A friend of mine is also apart of it so I’m not just going for him. But his wife’s gonna be there and you know she hates me so I’m just reaching out for support. Thanks again. And this is just the jist of the story. I’m sure more will be revealed.
First and foremost don't allow what others feel or think about you to stop you in your tracks. Live your life

I spent 2 years getting verbally insulted at my old job XBW worked at. Even this day people look down on me and they don't even know the truth

What you feel is understandable, the issue was he told you it's an open relationship and it wasn't. His words not yours have changed everything

If you are constantly in contact or working. The flame will spark again when there is problems at home. We can only force ourselves for so long to share a bed, eat dinner or make love to someone we don't love. 

It takes a lot of hard work to renew a M that has been Longley effected and it will still have it's voids. All relationships do

I changed my life around after leaving XBW by selling our home. New car and a new job . She worked at my old one

I'm more free now and felt level headed to MW that I changed my life in that sense. It hurt her too though as she was worried I'd meet new women and explore different avenues. I never did, didn't need sex I needed her

You want what you want. But it's going to be difficult as you work with him. Enjoy the show don't allow outside noise to stop your support for friends and family
You ended it respectfully, so you have nothing to be ashamed of if and when you run into her. Do you think she will say something to you? I hope the event turns out OK for you.
No regrets

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