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[Durbsdr2018]

This sounds a lot like my situation, which is now going on 9 months. Just wanted to give some support and to let you know you can reach out if you ever want to talk ?

@punkgirl and @rozay -

8 years ago this November I met my MM. After a few months I told him that I did not want to be in a long term extramarital relationship. He then told me he was getting divorced. For a year he told me he was getting divorced. However, he did not and instead built a business financed by his wife. I hope your journeys travel better paths than mine. 

Welcome to TS! There are many here that have similar experiences and others that can help you understand some different perspectives. It all helps!

[rozay]

This sounds a lot like my situation, which is now going on 9 months. Just wanted to give some support and to let you know you can reach out if you ever want to talk ?

The same goes for you.

[rozay]

@punkgirl and @rozay -

8 years ago this November I met my MM. After a few months I told him that I did not want to be in a long term extramarital relationship. He then told me he was getting divorced. For a year he told me he was getting divorced. However, he did not and instead built a business financed by his wife. I hope your journeys travel better paths than mine. 

Welcome to TS! There are many here that have similar experiences and others that can help you understand some different perspectives. It all helps!

Thank you for sharing and for the inviting welcome.

[Sandrine]

@punkgirl and @rozay -

8 years ago this November I met my MM. After a few months I told him that I did not want to be in a long term extramarital relationship. He then told me he was getting divorced. For a year he told me he was getting divorced. However, he did not and instead built a business financed by his wife. I hope your journeys travel better paths than mine. 

Welcome to TS! There are many here that have similar experiences and others that can help you understand some different perspectives. It all helps!

So many men don't want to lose that special woman they meet outside of their marriage, they say what will capture her and keep her.  Are you still in your EMR or have moved on?

[VanyaP]

My name is Vanya and I am currently involved with a married man (Jay-not his real name)) for six months. I myself am married and going through divorce. After meeting my married man, I knew my marriage was over. Although I did not leave Jay to find my happy ever after, I knew my marriage was beyond repairable and left to find peace.

J is still married with no chances on leaving his wife. I would never pressure or give him an ultimatum to change his circumstances. As of now, I am content with our current relationship and if I should have a change of heart, hopefully this forum can help me.

Happy to be here and hopefully I can find wisdom and support through this new relationship.

[Durbsdr2018]

So many men don't want to lose that special woman they meet outside of their marriage, they say what will capture her and keep her.  Are you still in your EMR or have moved on?

Sandrine- you’re right, and I understand why. Life does not easily fit into a box and there are rules/expectations of society. Marriage, in the case of my MM, came with significant advantages for his life that I would never have been able to give him. The EMR came with advantages that BW was unable to give him. 

We are no longer in an EMR, though we do still talk/text a bit. I tried to maintain a friendship but he places everything in his life second to himself and his business (or so it seems to me), and ultimately I decided that if he could not give me what I needed in terms of friendship then we could no longer continue a relationship. But, I’m a huge empath and find it hard to completely sever all communication. We also do have a professional relationship in terms of the fact that we both provide professional services in the community and that includes each other, so this is what most of our communications are about. It’s been a long road, but I’m also finally ready to start dating again and so I signed up for a professional matchmaking service. Looking forward to meeting some handsome single men and just exploring dating at this later stage in life. It’s not a bad place to be. And I don’t regret my EMR. It taught me some of the most important lessons of my life. ?

[Durbsdr2018]

My name is Vanya and I am currently involved with a married man (Jay-not his real name)) for six months. I myself am married and going through divorce. After meeting my married man, I knew my marriage was over. Although I did not leave Jay to find my happy ever after, I knew my marriage was beyond repairable and left to find peace.

J is still married with no chances on leaving his wife. I would never pressure or give him an ultimatum to change his circumstances. As of now, I am content with our current relationship and if I should have a change of heart, hopefully this forum can help me.

Happy to be here and hopefully I can find wisdom and support through this new relationship.

Welcome VanyaP! You will find support, understanding, and a safe place to share on this forum. It sounds like you’re coming into an EMR with the right mindset. That’s one step ahead of where I was at that point in my EMR, so kudos to you! The one thing to consider is that BW (Jay’s wife) is an unknown factor in your relationship with him. This could cause an unexpected change at any time that you will both have to navigate through (eg. if his wife finds out about you, or D-Day). But, it sounds like right now, you’re traveling the exact journey that you should be. 

[Areeh]

Hi, my name is Areeh. In 2013 I left my husband because of domestic violence and alcoholism. That same year, I met a very nice man online, from the other side of the world. He was married at that point, but left his wife the following year and came to live in my country. Two years later I found out he was ch---ing on me online. I saw awful things….pics, messages, things that were so explicit. I stayed on with him because I fought my entire family to be with him. We spend six months a year apart when he goes back to his country. We’ve been married now 10 years and I still feel anxious when he goes back home. Over the years he has given me several reasons not to trust him. I am sure he is not faithful to me when he is away for those six months. I was emotionally abused in my first marriage, sexually abused as a child, and I thought this relationship would be different. He says he loves me,…I know he does. But I think he has other needs too that I can’t fulfill for him. He is smart, loves sailing, is 27 years older than I am… (he’s in his 70s and I’m in my 50s) .I’m just this needy woman who is being punished now for what I did to him and his previous wife. I’m just so depressed and I want to leave him but I’m scared. I love him but I hate him for what he’s done to me. I love him but I don’t want to be wondering every single day and night about who he is with, what he is doing, does he love her etc. I’m emotionally drained and exhausted. What should I do? Also, I just noticed that on the left side of this post where it gives my name, it says virgin? I dunno where that came from or how I change that. I’m certainly no vestal virgin!

[OUrania]

Hi, my name is Areeh. In 2013 I left my husband because of domestic violence and alcoholism. That same year, I met a very nice man online, from the other side of the world. He was married at that point, but left his wife the following year and came to live in my country. Two years later I found out he was ch---ing on me online. I saw awful things….pics, messages, things that were so explicit. I stayed on with him because I fought my entire family to be with him. We spend six months a year apart when he goes back to his country. We’ve been married now 10 years and I still feel anxious when he goes back home. Over the years he has given me several reasons not to trust him. I am sure he is not faithful to me when he is away for those six months. I was emotionally abused in my first marriage, sexually abused as a child, and I thought this relationship would be different. He says he loves me,…I know he does. But I think he has other needs too that I can’t fulfill for him. He is smart, loves sailing, is 27 years older than I am… (he’s in his 70s and I’m in my 50s) .I’m just this needy woman who is being punished now for what I did to him and his previous wife. I’m just so depressed and I want to leave him but I’m scared. I love him but I hate him for what he’s done to me. I love him but I don’t want to be wondering every single day and night about who he is with, what he is doing, does he love her etc. I’m emotionally drained and exhausted. What should I do? Also, I just noticed that on the left side of this post where it gives my name, it says virgin? I dunno where that came from or how I change that. I’m certainly no vestal virgin!

Hello Areeh,

Virgin is a term used to indicate you are new to the board. It will be changed in time by the moderators.

It doesn't matter how smart this man is or what a good sailor he is., he is abusing you.

For your mental well being you need to get out of this marriage and away from him.  Are you financially able to do this?  Do you have a support system to help you?

If you don't you will be miserable for the rest of your life.  You are young enough to enjoy many more years in peace without him.  

Good luck 
Ourania

[Areeh]

Thank you for your reply, Ourania….I don’t have either a support system or finances. While I agree with you, I’m scared to take that step. I’m emotionally dependant on him. Financially too. But I’m trying to get emotionally independent so that if I do decide to leave, I’m strong enough to go through that emotionally at least. 

Areeh


Hello Areeh,

Virgin is a term used to indicate you are new to the board. It will be changed in time by the moderators.

It doesn't matter how smart this man is or what a good sailor he is., he is abusing you.

For your mental well being you need to get out of this marriage and away from him.  Are you financially able to do this?  Do you have a support system to help you?

If you don't you will be miserable for the rest of your life.  You are young enough to enjoy many more years in peace without him.  

Good luck 
Ourania

[Violet]

Hi, my name is Areeh. In 2013 I left my husband because of domestic violence and alcoholism. That same year, I met a very nice man online, from the other side of the world. He was married at that point, but left his wife the following year and came to live in my country. Two years later I found out he was ch---ing on me online. I saw awful things….pics, messages, things that were so explicit. I stayed on with him because I fought my entire family to be with him. We spend six months a year apart when he goes back to his country. We’ve been married now 10 years and I still feel anxious when he goes back home. Over the years he has given me several reasons not to trust him. I am sure he is not faithful to me when he is away for those six months. I was emotionally abused in my first marriage, sexually abused as a child, and I thought this relationship would be different. He says he loves me,…I know he does. But I think he has other needs too that I can’t fulfill for him. He is smart, loves sailing, is 27 years older than I am… (he’s in his 70s and I’m in my 50s) .I’m just this needy woman who is being punished now for what I did to him and his previous wife. I’m just so depressed and I want to leave him but I’m scared. I love him but I hate him for what he’s done to me. I love him but I don’t want to be wondering every single day and night about who he is with, what he is doing, does he love her etc. I’m emotionally drained and exhausted. What should I do? Also, I just noticed that on the left side of this post where it gives my name, it says virgin? I dunno where that came from or how I change that. I’m certainly no vestal virgin!

[Violet]

Hi, my name is Areeh. In 2013 I left my husband because of domestic violence and alcoholism. That same year, I met a very nice man online, from the other side of the world. He was married at that point, but left his wife the following year and came to live in my country. Two years later I found out he was ch---ing on me online. I saw awful things….pics, messages, things that were so explicit. I stayed on with him because I fought my entire family to be with him. We spend six months a year apart when he goes back to his country. We’ve been married now 10 years and I still feel anxious when he goes back home. Over the years he has given me several reasons not to trust him. I am sure he is not faithful to me when he is away for those six months. I was emotionally abused in my first marriage, sexually abused as a child, and I thought this relationship would be different. He says he loves me,…I know he does. But I think he has other needs too that I can’t fulfill for him. He is smart, loves sailing, is 27 years older than I am… (he’s in his 70s and I’m in my 50s) .I’m just this needy woman who is being punished now for what I did to him and his previous wife. I’m just so depressed and I want to leave him but I’m scared. I love him but I hate him for what he’s done to me. I love him but I don’t want to be wondering every single day and night about who he is with, what he is doing, does he love her etc. I’m emotionally drained and exhausted. What should I do? Also, I just noticed that on the left side of this post where it gives my name, it says virgin? I dunno where that came from or how I change that. I’m certainly no vestal virgin!

Hi Areeh, 

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I’m not sure you’re in the right place here to best be supported as you need, however. This is a site for those in extramarital relationships. You would be better served at a site for betrayed spouses since that is your situation you are looking for support for.  It sounds like you have been through a lot. I hope you find the support you’re looking for. What I can say is don’t blame yourself. Also get into therapy if you are able. All the best to you.

[Areeh]

Thanks for that Violet….I did wonder. but I still feel like the other woman, and have never felt like his wife. When we were married I felt so numb. I didn’t feel a thing. I don’t even remember getting me and my kids ready for the day, while he got ready and dressed for the occasion. Something just does not feel right…but yes I should give a go on a different site. Thanks for the advice.

Hi Areeh, 

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I’m not sure you’re in the right place here to best be supported as you need, however. This is a site for those in extramarital relationships. You would be better served at a site for betrayed spouses since that is your situation you are looking for support for.  It sounds like you have been through a lot. I hope you find the support you’re looking for. What I can say is don’t blame yourself. Also get into therapy if you are able. All the best to you.