Shattered and looking to find someone who understands

[Mis/aligned.]

Hello

I am married with a three year old daughter and was involved in an affair for last 6 months. My affair partner and I have known each other on and off for 13 years, always reconnecting and somehow finding our way back into one another’s lives. This last time we reconnected it was all to much to deny anymore and we started a relationship. It was a love neither of us had ever felt and truly believed that we kept reconnecting because it was meant to be. We planned a future, a family, everything. He told me he loved me and I was his person and had always been since the day we first kissed 13 years ago. 
He told me several months ago he was ready to leave his partner, whom he has a 2 year old with. She also found out about us and despite it being a horrible way for it to end, he said he felt relieved it was finally over. He recently moved out to his mother’s. One week after being out of his family home, he sent me a text without warning, no lead up at all, saying he couldn’t talk to me or see me anymore as he needed his family and if he continued to have me in his life, he would lose his family and his own life. He then blocked me on everything. I did manage to get in contact and he told me that while he was still in the home with her, despite being in separate rooms and him telling me it was hostile, he always held hope for her. My heart is broken because I truly believed in us. 

I am shattered beyond words as I truly thought this was the love of my life. I haven’t been able to work and have not eaten a meal in a week. I feel as though I am losing my mind.

[Sandy]

ugh... that's the worst part of relationships! (Affairs or otherwise...) You think you're on the same page as the other person, then you learn that they either changed their mind or they didn't really feel as strongly about the relationship as you did (or worse yet, they feel stronger about the relationship than you did).

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I suspect that he'll be back, once things have calmed down at home. What you'll have to decide if whether you will allow him back and whether you can accept being in an affair/OW (as it seems like he will stay because of his child).



Keep posting, it helps to figure things out.

[Harlow]

Sending hugs. We’ve all been there and have come out the other side much stronger. Eat, breathe, and drink plenty of water. And rest. Don’t let his cognitive dissonance (which is temporary) influence your long term future.

[Butterfly22]

Hello,

Looking for support and just people who understand and can relate. I accidentally became the other woman and once I found out, couldn’t consistently let go and now , 3 years later, I’m still stuck and decided it’s just time to move on. They recently got married, he didn’t tell me and something about marriage made me feel alot worse about what was going on. I just need to move on.

[Brigit]

Hello,

Looking for support and just people who understand and can relate. I accidentally became the other woman and once I found out, couldn’t consistently let go and now , 3 years later, I’m still stuck and decided it’s just time to move on. They recently got married, he didn’t tell me and something about marriage made me feel alot worse about what was going on. I just need to move on.

Welcome, I totally understand how one might get “stuck” in this situation and why you feel worse about it after he is married without having told you about it. I also applaud you for the decision to move on. Many on this site have been in a similar situation. You may want to start your own thread to help sort out your thoughts and process this period! Sending you hugs.