It isn't the sex

[Jaye]

I found myself upset this weekend because my MM went hiking with his wife. No sex, no romance, but the knowledge that I could not hang out and do normal things like that made me sad. I guess that he seemingly enjoyed that time together was new to me. But I am making an assumption.  Anyway,  oddly, that's what I find hard. It's been over a year and in general everything is great.  Funny what can take your knees out sometimes.

[Emilyj]

Oh Jaye, I so hear you and empathise.

My MM thankfully rarely goes out and, when he does, it's always the whole family. The thought of him going out with BW without the children would be heartbreaking.

It's completely understandable you feel the way you do.

Sending love and a hug x

[Jaye]

Oh Jaye, I so hear you and empathise.

My MM thankfully rarely goes out and, when he does, it's always the whole family. The thought of him going out with BW without the children would be heartbreaking.

It's completely understandable you feel the way you do.

Sending love and a hug x
Thank you, Emilyj.  I really appreciate your kindness. TBH, I think it was more about taking the dog on vacation but still....lol

[Sandrine]

We all sympathize.  Best in these situations to keep yourself very busy so you don't think too much about the MM and his time spent with W.  Easier said than done, but find activities and people to be with during these times.  I personally don't want to know what MM is doing, and I let him know emphatically as he used to like to share (not including mentions of BW but she was obviously there).  
Put your foot down about what information you do or don't want to know about.

[Emilyj]

Whilst I agree with Sandrine, in an ideal world, I do always want to know everything as otherwise my imagination goes on overdrive! I find it better to hear the details as what I'm told is never as bad as I'm imagining!

[Jaye]

We all sympathize.  Best in these situations to keep yourself very busy so you don't think too much about the MM and his time spent with W.  Easier said than done, but find activities and people to be with during these times.  I personally don't want to know what MM is doing, and I let him know emphatically as he used to like to share (not including mentions of BW but she was obviously there).  
Put your foot down about what information you do or don't want to know about.

Thank you! That is helpful advice! Much appreciated.

[Jaye]

Whilst I agree with Sandrine, in an ideal world, I do always want to know everything as otherwise my imagination goes on overdrive! I find it better to hear the details as what I'm told is never as bad as I'm imagining!

You know, I have been dear friends with my MM more than two decades, seeing him this way for just over a year. I know - from the friendship years, too - that they aren't having some great romance. I guess I need to be able to shift into friendship gear when these things happen and try not to take it personally. I also - if I am honest - don't always wish I were in the situation he/they are doing just at that moment. This weekend, for example, they are spending the weekend with their kids/kids-in-law. Would I want to spend Labor Day weekend doing that? No, thank you. So, sometimes it is nice to have the parts I want, but not have to endure the parts I wouldn't, even if that means sometimes I miss out on stuff I would enjoy. 

And sometimes, it helps me to remember - and I don't mean this to sound catty or unkind - I would rather be in my situation that hers. They had only ever been with each other....for 40 years. The fact that he started (and HE did) this, says something about that .... state of affairs....so to speak! lolol