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[Ilovepurple]

I blocked him because I got tired of being an option for him. He always said how he needed me and loved me so when he was down I showed up. However when I needed him he couldn’t I remember a specific morning around 4am where I was desperate to just hear his voice and begged to just speak to me a few minutes he said he couldn’t. That was the end for me I knew his interest was to just keep me hidden on the side and not something he is ready to commit to. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.. at the cost of my pain. In my ideal scenario we would no longer be hiding we would be adults and let it be clear we love each other we are willing to fight for this and not have to hide from anyone. But tbh I’ve given up on that now I guess that’s what hurts the most having so many hopes and dreams loving someone giving so much of myself and not ending up together

[Brigit]

I blocked him because I got tired of being an option for him. He always said how he needed me and loved me so when he was down I showed up. However when I needed him he couldn’t I remember a specific morning around 4am where I was desperate to just hear his voice and begged to just speak to me a few minutes he said he couldn’t. That was the end for me I knew his interest was to just keep me hidden on the side and not something he is ready to commit to. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.. at the cost of my pain. In my ideal scenario we would no longer be hiding we would be adults and let it be clear we love each other we are willing to fight for this and not have to hide from anyone. But tbh I’ve given up on that now I guess that’s what hurts the most having so many hopes and dreams loving someone giving so much of myself and not ending up together

Thanks for explaining. That makes perfect sense. If he couldn’t be there when you really needed him, then severing ties makes sense. But just because something makes sense, doesn’t mean it won’t involve some pain. You can make through this!

[Ilovepurple]

Thank you so much for the kinds words and understanding I know this is something I can’t talk to anyone around me about . I’m in pain I’m hurting I miss him I remember telling him one time I couldn’t be without him but now I guess I have to learn to do just that like he is making it without me ?

[Punkgirl]

Hi! This whole situation is still new to me as I've never had an affair with a married man before, but I'm nearly 6 months into and it feels like its just now hitting me if that makes sense. It started out on SC with a friendly message and he immediately told me he was married. That was the end of it, or so I thought, but we soon realized that our oldest kids were in the same grade at the same school, so we chatted about that a lot. 

We exchanged pics and realized we're attracted to one another. I even made the comment "I'm in trouble" because I knew what I was in for. I was single, had a not so great relationship end a few months prior, but living it up as a single newly 40 y/o. 

We met up and quickly agreed that this was only for sex, except it became much more than that. He confided a lot in me about his marriage and being divorced x2, I would give him advice or just be a listening ear. We talked a lot about our lives in general and realized we have a lot in common. Our personalities are also very similar. We just hit it off almost instantly and he's truly become my best friend. We dont have sex every time we're together; sometimes we just talk; other times we just hold each other. One night we got stoned and just laughed the whole time ? it was great LOL. 

His wife knows. However, she doesn't yet know who I am. There's a lot more and I'm sure you all may have questions, but I'm gonna leave it at that for now ?

[OUrania]

Hi! This whole situation is still new to me as I've never had an affair with a married man before, but I'm nearly 6 months into and it feels like its just now hitting me if that makes sense. It started out on SC with a friendly message and he immediately told me he was married. That was the end of it, or so I thought, but we soon realized that our oldest kids were in the same grade at the same school, so we chatted about that a lot. 

We exchanged pics and realized we're attracted to one another. I even made the comment "I'm in trouble" because I knew what I was in for. I was single, had a not so great relationship end a few months prior, but living it up as a single newly 40 y/o. 

We met up and quickly agreed that this was only for sex, except it became much more than that. He confided a lot in me about his marriage and being divorced x2, I would give him advice or just be a listening ear. We talked a lot about our lives in general and realized we have a lot in common. Our personalities are also very similar. We just hit it off almost instantly and he's truly become my best friend. We dont have sex every time we're together; sometimes we just talk; other times we just hold each other. One night we got stoned and just laughed the whole time ? it was great LOL. 

His wife knows. However, she doesn't yet know who I am. There's a lot more and I'm sure you all may have questions, but I'm gonna leave it at that for now ?

I can understand why hes been divorced twice.  He doesn't appear to be a very good prospect for a stable relationship if that's what you are looking for.  

Ourania.

[Whoopsie]

New here.

My affair just ended for probably the 5th or 6th time but it feels different this time. We were seeing eachother for 6 months. He isn't married but in a long term relationship, I am single. 

He heavily pursued me for a month and we ended up talking for hours on the phone a few days a week until we crossed the line. 

We both caught feelings for eachother and were secretly seeing eachother a couple of times a week. 

His relationship isn't great. They argue alot, He said he doesn't love her, they're rarely intimate and never affectionate and I have seen this first hand because they are both customers where I work. But he won't leave her. His reason is that they get on ??‍♀️ there's a 14 year age difference between them, her being older. 

So, now it's over. Again. And I am really sad. Again. But this time, I can't go through it all again because it's having a huge impact on my wellbeing so I won't go back unless he's single. 

So that's my story in a nutshell. 

Thank you for having me.

[Harlow]

Hi and You’ve come to the right place for support.

While I have seen men leave in this situation it’s important to understand male behavior (not saying they’re all the same). We often mistakenly assume they’re all out for one thing only, but if that were true we wouldn’t see so many of them struggling/hesitating to leave a committed R. He would likely feel like the bad guy by leaving her; one because she is older, and two because of how intertwined their families are. There could be other factors, such as she comes from wealth or her parents are better to him than his own, for example.


But every man also has needs (just like women do) to feel loved passionately and that’s why a line was crossed. I think by ending it and giving it a long pause he’ll have a lot to ponder, especially given you’ve both caught feelings.

[Brigit]

Hi and You’ve come to the right place for support.

While I have seen men leave in this situation it’s important to understand male behavior (not saying they’re all the same). We often mistakenly assume they’re all out for one thing only, but if that were true we wouldn’t see so many of them struggling/hesitating to leave a committed R. He would likely feel like the bad guy by leaving her; one because she is older, and two because of how intertwined their families are. There could be other factors, such as she comes from wealth or her parents are better to him than his own, for example.


But every man also has needs (just like women do) to feel loved passionately and that’s why a line was crossed. I think by ending it and giving it a long pause he’ll have a lot to ponder, especially given you’ve both caught feelings.

This is so true. Everyone wants/needs to feel like the hero in their own story. Marketers know this very well.

[Whoopsie]

We carried on seeing eachother but last weekend, his girlfriend caught us while we were being intimate. She took photos and videos of us. She has assaulted him and threatened to do the same to me. 

He has cut me off, says we shouldn't have contact and this has broken me because I'm worried about him. We have both lost everything. I've lost my job, friends, my livelihood. I have been stabbed in the back by a 'friend' that I've know for over 20 years after she revealed all of the details of our affair to his now ex partner. 

Don't get me wrong, I never expected a fairytale ending, but I can't understand why he doesn't want to speak to me. It wasn't just sex, we had both developed feelings for eachother.

[Brigit]

We carried on seeing eachother but last weekend, his girlfriend caught us while we were being intimate. She took photos and videos of us. She has assaulted him and threatened to do the same to me. 

He has cut me off, says we shouldn't have contact and this has broken me because I'm worried about him. We have both lost everything. I've lost my job, friends, my livelihood. I have been stabbed in the back by a 'friend' that I've know for over 20 years after she revealed all of the details of our affair to his now ex partner. 

Don't get me wrong, I never expected a fairytale ending, but I can't understand why he doesn't want to speak to me. It wasn't just sex, we had both developed feelings for eachother.

Wow, that is a lot to process at once. Why did this friend do this? That’s so awful.

If I were you, I’d try to focus on myself and regroup and rebuild. Easier said than done, but done it must be…

[Whoopsie]

Wow, that is a lot to process at once. Why did this friend do this? That’s so awful.

If I were you, I’d try to focus on myself and regroup and rebuild. Easier said than done, but done it must be…

I cannot fathom why she told her. I worked in a pub and my friend is the landlady so not only did she break my trust as a friend, but she has breached my confidentiality as an employee. The situation was bad enough, but she has made it worse. 

As for him and his ex, I'm now being accused of giving her chlamydia but I know I was clean in March and I've only been with him. Getting tested next week.

[Brigit]

I cannot fathom why she told her. I worked in a pub and my friend is the landlady so not only did she break my trust as a friend, but she has breached my confidentiality as an employee. The situation was bad enough, but she has made it worse. 

As for him and his ex, I'm now being accused of giving her chlamydia but I know I was clean in March and I've only been with him. Getting tested next week.

Crossing fingers for your test results and it sounds like you might be better off without all these people in your life in the long term… Very sorry you are going through it all at once.

[Whoopsie]

Crossing fingers for your test results and it sounds like you might be better off without all these people in your life in the long term… Very sorry you are going through it all at once.

He has since told me that he's going to try to win her back but has heavily diluted the extent of our affair. He's told her we only met up 4 times but it was 6 months of meeting weekly, if not more. He has broken me. I've lost everything.

[Brigit]

He has since told me that he's going to try to win her back but has heavily diluted the extent of our affair. He's told her we only met up 4 times but it was 6 months of meeting weekly, if not more. He has broken me. I've lost everything.

I’m sorry. Unfortunately it’s not uncommon.

But please try to keep your chin up and focus on the good things in life… there must be many?? 
You’ve lost the dream, but not everything!

[rozay]

Hey there. I am a new comer looking for some support. I feel like I have a good support system but no one I know personally has gone through what I am going through so I have looked into support groups and came across this one. I am 26, single, and am "the other woman." The person I am seeing is in his early 30s and has been married over five years. We met each other through work and eventually started training together. We immediately bonded as close friends and pretty much never stopped hanging out as soon as we started. I saw him practically everyday. Things started to lead to a heavy romance. I never thought I could love someone they way I love him and he has confessed his love for me as well. We are genuinely the same person, enjoy the same things, understand each other's mentality and behaviors fully... I've experienced love but never one like this. The best feeling is everything I feel, I don't have to question whether it is reciprocated. I know it is because we have incredible communication with one another. After a few months of this, things started getting really serious and we started discussing our options. He has decided he wants to leave his wife. I was feeling unsure how I felt about it but after a lot of reflection and numerous conversations, we had an understanding. He is leaving his wife and he is dead set on it and has intentions of being with me long-term. I am ready, but he needs some time to work everything out which I am willing to give... to an extent. I don't want to wait forever and I made it clear that I won't wait forever. It doesn't matter how much I love him... I would have to stop for myself because being the other woman is hard... No one could have prepared me for that. Yet, he makes it feel so easy... we openly talk about how we feel which has given me a lot of relief and comfort and helps with establishing our foundation for open communication when things do escalate. It is still early but feelings are 100% true and organic. it feels like "when you know you know." I want to give him time to do what he has to do. But how long is too long? I can only decide that for myself and what I will tolerate but I have never pressured him to do it or make a decision. I refuse to give him a time because I want him to make these decision all of his own without my pressure. It shows me his seriousness although I have never doubted it. It just becomes harder and harder everyday. I am excited for our next steps and journey but I feel my excitement is making things more difficult for me emotionally. I hope to meet some people who are in similar situations so that we may support one another. With love and best wishes. 

[Brigit]

Hey there. I am a new comer looking for some support. I feel like I have a good support system but no one I know personally has gone through what I am going through so I have looked into support groups and came across this one. I am 26, single, and am "the other woman." The person I am seeing is in his early 30s and has been married over five years. We met each other through work and eventually started training together. We immediately bonded as close friends and pretty much never stopped hanging out as soon as we started. I saw him practically everyday. Things started to lead to a heavy romance. I never thought I could love someone the way I love him and he has confessed his love for me as well. We are genuinely the same person, enjoy the same things, understand each other's mentality and behaviors fully... I've experienced love but never one like this. The best feeling is everything I feel, I don't have to question whether it is reciprocated. I know it is because we have incredible communication with one another. After a few months of this, things started getting really serious and we started discussing our options. He has decided he wants to leave his wife. I was feeling unsure how I felt about it but after a lot of reflection and numerous conversations, we had an understanding. He is leaving his wife and he is dead set on it and has intentions of being with me long-term. I am ready, but he needs some time to work everything out which I am willing to give... to an extent. I don't want to wait forever and I made it clear that I won't wait forever. It doesn't matter how much I love him... I would have to stop for myself because being the other woman is hard... No one could have prepared me for that. Yet, he makes it feel so easy... we openly talk about how we feel which has given me a lot of relief and comfort and helps with establishing our foundation for open communication when things do escalate. It is still early but feelings are 100% true and organic. it feels like "when you know you know." I want to give him time to do what he has to do. But how long is too long? I can only decide that for myself and what I will tolerate but I have never pressured him to do it or make a decision. I refuse to give him a time because I want him to make these decision all of his own without my pressure. It shows me his seriousness although I have never doubted it. It just becomes harder and harder everyday. I am excited for our next steps and journey but I feel my excitement is making things more difficult for me emotionally. I hope to meet some people who are in similar situations so that we may support one another. With love and best wishes. 

Welcome! I’m not in your situation but am much older and you pick up a lot of things along the way…

Many men go through a difficult time committing even to uncomplicated marriage, so I feel for him having one (failed, obviously) marriage already on his plate and contemplating this change and a commitment to you. And many women have to say “look, I love you, and this is not in any way an ultimatum, but if you can’t be available I’ll have to work hard against every cell in my being to move on, because where we are now is not sustainable.” And then I’d personally take off the pressure for him to jump from one failed marriage into a super committed relationship/engagement right away. I’d tell him that you want to see where things will go, but with a clean slate of not being in an EMR. Of course the above is just me and you may have your own way and path, and that is as it should be. Thought I’d offer my perspective and you can take what you will—from a late 40s, fairly happily married woman, who is very reluctantly also carrying on with her “same person” (also married, both with kids, so leaving not really an option). It sounds like you both have very good heads on your shoulders and I wish you the brightest future!

[rozay]

Welcome! I’m not in your situation but am much older and you pick up a lot of things along the way…

Many men go through a difficult time committing even to uncomplicated marriage, so I feel for him having one (failed, obviously) marriage already on his plate and contemplating this change and a commitment to you. And many women have to say “look, I love you, and this is not in any way an ultimatum, but if you can’t be available I’ll have to work hard against every cell in my being to move on, because where we are now is not sustainable.” And then I’d personally take off the pressure for him to jump from one failed marriage into a super committed relationship/engagement right away. I’d tell him that you want to see where things will go, but with a clean slate of not being in an EMR. Of course the above is just me and you may have your own way and path, and that is as it should be. Thought I’d offer my perspective and you can take what you will—from a late 40s, fairly happily married woman, who is very reluctantly also carrying on with her “same person” (also married, both with kids, so leaving not really an option). It sounds like you both have very good heads on your shoulders and I wish you the brightest future!

Thank you. We both agreed it would make sense to have some time after Dday to process everything, reflect, and heal. It's a huge transition which family, legal, and emotional turmoil. His marriage is not bad. That was never the issue. It was just that he felt I have been everything he was looking for in someone, I just came at the wrong time. He wishes we had met earlier because boy would that make things so much easier... and we are here now. While I don't like the situation, I love him and I know he loves me. I just need to give it time to settle. I think jumping right into the next thing wouldn't be good for anyone and he deserves to have that time after such a long commitment.

[Brigit]

Thank you. We both agreed it would make sense to have some time after Dday to process everything, reflect, and heal. It's a huge transition which family, legal, and emotional turmoil. His marriage is not bad. That was never the issue. It was just that he felt I have been everything he was looking for in someone, I just came at the wrong time. He wishes we had met earlier because boy would that make things so much easier... and we are here now. While I don't like the situation, I love him and I know he loves me. I just need to give it time to settle. I think jumping right into the next thing wouldn't be good for anyone and he deserves to have that time after such a long commitment.

Many of us here know exactly what you mean! However you are both still young and if he didn’t have any kids with her, it makes this SO much less complicated. I really hope it works out for you both.

[Punkgirl]

I can understand why hes been divorced twice.  He doesn't appear to be a very good prospect for a stable relationship if that's what you are looking for.  

Ourania.

I'm sorry, I wrote that way wrong lol. I'm the one thats been divorced twice and was giving advice. This is actually his only marriage and they've been a couple pretty much their whole lives. She knows, but still doesn't know who I am. He's told her (I've read the texts) that he wants nothing from her, hasn't felt emotionally/physically/mentally attracted to her in years, and that he only wants to stay for the kids and financial reasons.

[Punkgirl]

Hey there. I am a new comer looking for some support. I feel like I have a good support system but no one I know personally has gone through what I am going through so I have looked into support groups and came across this one. I am 26, single, and am "the other woman." The person I am seeing is in his early 30s and has been married over five years. We met each other through work and eventually started training together. We immediately bonded as close friends and pretty much never stopped hanging out as soon as we started. I saw him practically everyday. Things started to lead to a heavy romance. I never thought I could love someone they way I love him and he has confessed his love for me as well. We are genuinely the same person, enjoy the same things, understand each other's mentality and behaviors fully... I've experienced love but never one like this. The best feeling is everything I feel, I don't have to question whether it is reciprocated. I know it is because we have incredible communication with one another. After a few months of this, things started getting really serious and we started discussing our options. He has decided he wants to leave his wife. I was feeling unsure how I felt about it but after a lot of reflection and numerous conversations, we had an understanding. He is leaving his wife and he is dead set on it and has intentions of being with me long-term. I am ready, but he needs some time to work everything out which I am willing to give... to an extent. I don't want to wait forever and I made it clear that I won't wait forever. It doesn't matter how much I love him... I would have to stop for myself because being the other woman is hard... No one could have prepared me for that. Yet, he makes it feel so easy... we openly talk about how we feel which has given me a lot of relief and comfort and helps with establishing our foundation for open communication when things do escalate. It is still early but feelings are 100% true and organic. it feels like "when you know you know." I want to give him time to do what he has to do. But how long is too long? I can only decide that for myself and what I will tolerate but I have never pressured him to do it or make a decision. I refuse to give him a time because I want him to make these decision all of his own without my pressure. It shows me his seriousness although I have never doubted it. It just becomes harder and harder everyday. I am excited for our next steps and journey but I feel my excitement is making things more difficult for me emotionally. I hope to meet some people who are in similar situations so that we may support one another. With love and best wishes. 

This sounds a lot like my situation, which is now going on 9 months. Just wanted to give some support and to let you know you can reach out if you ever want to talk ?